


Overcome

by Milady29



Category: Chicago Fire
Genre: Burns, Friendship, Gen, Hurt Matthew Casey, Hurt/Comfort, Injury, Kelly severide - Freeform, Sick Matthew Casey, Whump, hurt!Casey, matthew casey - Freeform, onechicago
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-07
Updated: 2019-01-10
Packaged: 2019-06-06 21:03:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 21
Words: 30,822
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15203423
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Milady29/pseuds/Milady29
Summary: Matthew Casey is trying to get his life back on track when an accident on the job turns it all upside down again. They say a call can change lives, and this case it is his.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everybody!
> 
> Here is my latest story. I know how some ongoing stories but I don't want to start any more stories than three. It is just to give myself some more freedom in writing and updating too. I hope that is alright with you!
> 
> This is a story based on a story I have written before, but under different circumstances and with different characters. It is not a chapter by chapter rehash, I just wanted to use the same premise. I hope you will enjoy this story and thank you for showing interest in the first chapter. Please enjoy!

With a groan Matt woke up in his bed as the sun was beaming in his face. He still had to get curtains but honestly he had not expected to be living with Kelly for more than a week. He had been sure he would have a new apartment within a week of the divorce but one thing let to another, and now he was already living with Kelly for three months.

Getting up, he was lucky as Kelly was still asleep so he had plenty of time in the bathroom and sat down to read the news and have breakfast.

Kelly came running from his bedroom wearing only half his clothes, clearly late for work.

''What did I tell you about not eating my lucky charms?'' Kelly said as Matt was eating.

''My cereal was done – you wouldn't want me starving, right?'' Casey joked back as he lifted the last spoonful from the bowl.

''Your dad bod begs to differ.'' Kelly joked back at him as he poured a bowl for himself as well.

''In my defense, I still do better in the physicals than you.'' Matt laughed back. Kelly was glad he could laugh about it now. He knew his joke was barely any truth as Casey had lost a lot of weight after the divorce, but the banter seemed to cheer him up.

He was joking about it now, but he was really worried actually about how his friend was dealing with the divorce emotionally.

After divorcing, Matt had moved in with Kelly as he and Gabby had sold their house. He had moved into the spare bedroom and living with his friend had been a lot bigger success than both of them could have hoped. It sure helped him get over the divorce a bit quicker and settling into his new life as a single man again just fine. Kelly was really helpful with that and he appreciated the work his friend did trying to make him feel better.

Kelly drove them to the firehouse and everybody had gotten used to them arriving at the same time. There had been a lot of jokes about them moving in together, but they were glad that the squad lieutenant had helped Matt get back on his feet after the messy divorce. Now he was starting to feel at home again both with Kelly and at the firehouse, and settling into this new life again.

After picking up some coffee, Casey made his way to his office. He made some plans of going to the hardware store after the shift so he could pick up some curtains. Even though he was not sure how long he would still stay with Kelly, at least he could take them to the next apartment as well.

The lost months had been a mess in his life. It had taken a while till he had gotten everything sorted in the divorce. Selling the house had given him a lot of stress and Gabby had finished her contract with the CFD, hence he has still had to work some shifts. It had been hard, but for now he was just glad to get done with it.

Nobody in the firehouse had picked a side, but Kelly had been by his side and he was glad how it had gone over now. Everybody acted like things had been before.

Now that the whole divorce was behind him, he still had to figure out what he was going to do now. Kelly had said he could stay as much as he wanted, but he did not want to be a burden on his friend.

Suddenly a call came in and he jumped up from his desk. Running to the truck, he was nervous about the call since it was a big one since all four companies were called out. It also made him giddy. He loved the job and these big calls made all the years of training worth it.

They pulled up at the fire at a gas station near the firehouse. All the trucks were around the station, but they proceeded with caution. Knowing how much gas was probably still around, they knew that things could get gnarly very fast. Casey, Severide and Boden were greeted by the owner.

''There is still some-'' The owner wanted to speak but Boden was only worried about one thing before they could do anything.

''Is the pressure of the pumps?!'' Boden asked, not taking any second to make sure that everybody around them was save.

''Yes, yes the pressure is off! Please!'' The man plead.

''Somebody is still inside.'' One of the employees yelled, scared as they were pushed back by Tony and Capp.

''I can make it chief – quick search, in and out!'' Casey said as he looked at the fire sea that had been the shop just a while ago. It would be a hard search, but the last thing he wanted was for somebody to stay in there.

''Casey-''

''There is no time, decide now!'' Casey told the chief and finally Boden nodded.

''In and out, you have a minute.'' Boden told him. Pulling the mask over his face, Casey made his way inside.

Kelly looked as his friends disappeared in the flames. He had seen Boden give the clear, but he was worried about his friend. After he had lost Andy and Hallie he had done stupid stuff, and he was worried that Matt was putting his life on the line again because he couldn't deal with his emotions.

As all them looked nervous at Casey running into the shop, non of them notices one of the nozzles started to leak gas, streaming down on the floor.

''Fire department, call out!'' Matt said as he made his way through the flames. The smoke was thick and it became harder to see anything,. He wanted to find the missing man, but he was worried if he would net get out soon he might get trapped himself.

''Fire department! Call out!'' Matt called another time, knowing he didn't get a response he might have to give up the search. Finally he spotted a shoe sticking from behind a shelf and he made his way towards the man. Throwing the man over his shoulder he made his way to the door as fast as he could.

''Casey get out right now!'' He heard Boden say over the radio. `He just got out then and carried the man to the stretcher Brett and the new EMT Jameson were waiting out. Laying the man down, Brett looked concerned at him.

''Are you okay?''

''I am fine.'' Matt said as he pulled off his mask and walked to the truck. Now that the building was clear engine could start putting the fire out. He felt contented with having been able to save the man. He felt he had not been able to do a lot of things right in his life lately and when he had a good call like this one the good feeling carried over for days. Grabbing some water to wash out his mouth and rehydrate, Kelly came walking towards him.

''You alright?'' Kelly asked concerned as Matt walked past him.

''I am fine.'' He assured his friend, spitting out some of the water and walking to his truck.

''You really alright?'' Kelly asked worried as his friend had had a close call getting the man out of the building. Matt himself was not too phased. It had been a close call, but he was sure that he could have made it easily. Sweating bullets and in safe distance from the fire, he took of his jacket and grabbed a towel from the floor of the truck and dragged it through his neck. He was sweating like mad and he was still panting.

''Need some more water?''

''I am fine, really.'' Matt told his friend again. Looking back as engine was already putting out the fire, Matt wanted to get his jacket back on. Looking down at the ground, he suddenly noticed the gas streaming over the floor, right there under his and Kelly's boots.

''Watch out, one of the pumps is bro-''

Matt couldn't finish his sentence before some fire sprung from the inferno that was burning down the shop and hit the streaming gas that as making its way down to where Matt and Kelly were standing. A sea of flames made its way towards them.

''Kelly look out!'' Matt told him as he saw his friend walking through the streaming gas towards the squad truck. Quickly he stepped forward, pushing his friend's out of the way from the oncoming flames. Stepping into the gasoline himself, there was nothing he could do to stop the flames from coming at him. Pulling up his arm in front of his face, he tried to shield his face from the flames.

''Matt?!''

Kelly turned around, everything suddenly moving so fast. The flames closed in around his friend, and the last thing he saw was his friend engulfed in flames.


	2. Chapter 2

Kelly was pacing through the waiting area of the hospital after the whole firehouse arrived there from the call.

He could not ban the image from his mind of a severely burned Casey being loaded in the ambulance. He had wanted to come with him, but Jameson and Brett had been so stressed that he had let them work and had come with the squad. The whole firehouse was seated in the waiting are and Boden and Herrmann sat just out of hearing distance from Kelly.

''I should have seen that stream of gas.'' Boden said somber as he looked at the ground.

''You can't blame yourself.'' Herrmann said softly.

''I know, but if anybody had seen it – Casey was not wearing his jacket.''

''He would always try and protect Kelly – but he will make it through, I am sure he will.'' Herrmann said softly, looking at a worried Kelly pacing through the waiting area. It was a horrible accident, and nobody was to blame. All they could hope was that Casey and everybody involved would pull through okay.

Finally, after hours of waiting impatiently, a doctor came to see them. He took Severide and Boden to his office and they sat down.

''Is he okay-''

''He is alive, and I think that is about as positive as we can be now unfortunately.'' The doctor admitted. Kelly did not like how bleak the doctor the seemed, but Boden really appreciated his honesty.

''Can you tell us some more?'' The chief asked, Kelly not knowing what to say.

''He has third degree burns and a few second degree burns over a large part of his body. We covered the burns and tomorrow a plastic surgeon will see him to see if we do skin grafts an cover all the burns.'' The doctor say somber. As a trauma surgeon, he had already been through a lot on this job, but the young firefighter that had been brought in today made it hard to keep positive. He had tried his best, but even he had no idea what he had to do with the man.

''If you have done nothing about his burns then why was he in surgery so long!?'' Kelly said way more mad than he actually meant it. He knew that he doctors were trying his best, but he was desperate to hear that his friend was okay.

''We had to remove his right lung, it was severely damaged because of the smoke inhalation. When he is stable, we can move him to a private room, but we are not sure yet if we can wake him up soon. The burns would be very painful and we are trying to keep him comfortable. '' The doctor admitted.

''So he is not waking up?'' Kelly said disappointed.

''Not any time soon. His body needs to adjust to only having one lung. Only when he starts breathing on his own we can wake him up.'' The doctor explained as Kelly was getting more nervous .The doctor had only talked about him for a few minutes, but he knew that Casey's future was bleak.

''What about the lung, you are getting him a donor lung, right!?''

''He will be fine living with one lung. The other lung will take over the function of the lung he has lost and even though it will be difficult in the beginning, he can live with only one.'' The doctor tried to explain to Kelly.

''But what about quality of life-''

''We can worry about that when he is stable'' The doctor said strict. It hurt him that he said that, but Kelly also knew that he was right about that. With the large burns, the lung was the least of their worries as long as it was no worry for Casey and he could live without the one.

He tried to ban the implications from his mind about what it would mean for Casey's career.

The doctor told him he could go see Casey in the ICU, but that there would be a few precautions because of Casey's open wounds and his fragile state. Kelly followed the doctor and was ready for whatever would be thrown his way. Boden went to talk to the others of the firehouse waiting.

Kelly followed the instructions of the nurse and followed her. He got the gown on as well as mask and gloves before he sat down by his friend. He hated all of the precautions, but the last thing he wanted the open burns of his friend getting infected and that Kelly would make his state even worse. The doctor had seemed worried about his survival and Kelly wanted to not make it worse any way.

''Oh Matt, if only you could see me now, I look like clown.'' He said softly as he sat down by his bed.

His whole chest and right arm were wrapped in bandages as well his throat. There was a breathing tube in his mouth, as well as a tube going into his nose. Kelly wanted to turn around and leave, but knew the could not leave his friend alone at this time.

Matt had saved his life. He had tried so hard to help Matt get better over the divorce, and he could not just walk away and leave his friend on his own now. He grabbed his left hand, one of the few parts of Matt's body that had not been intruded with medical supplies. He was not sure if his friend realized he was still on this planet, or that he could feel it. But he hoped he could still make his friend feel better one way or another.

Every waking moment he was allowed to be with Matt, he spend by his bedside. There was nothing he could do. It made him feel hopeless and helpless, but at least he felt he was here for his friend.

He kept playing the moment that Matt had pushed him aside over and over in his mind. He'd hoped that at one point it would make sense and that he would be at peace with it. But he was not. He wished there was away he could make up in his head that he could done it better. That he would have seen the flames and gas and that his friend would have not seen him. Maybe he and Matt could have jumped aside and Matt would not be in this position now. That they would have both gone home after this shift and had a few beers in his apartment. But he knew that that had not happened, and that would not happen any time soon.

Only after almost 4 days Matt had been moved to a private room as the medical staff said he had finally been stable enough. Before that Kelly had still worked a shift but now he had taken a week off to stay with Matt. Looking after him as much as he could as he was under the wires and tubes and with the central line hanging out. The nurses came to check the drains and monitors very often. Honestly he was glad he had not idea what it all meant because he also had no clue when something was wrong.

There had been complications and the staff had gotten even stricter. There was a large risk of infection with Casey and Kelly could only spend limited time with him. Since Matt had only one lung left and a lot of open wounds, they were worried that an infection would occur through Kelly and that would probably be disastrous for Casey. 

Kelly had been back on shift though since he couldn't spend a lot of time with Casey and he spend the shifts back at the firehouse as the last thing he wanted was to let anybody else down. Nobody asked him about Matt and he was glad nobody didn't, as he would have no clue what to say. He did just his work and did everything he still had to do otherwise, but he hated coming home alone.

Home was the hardest. He had no clue about in just a three months he had gotten so used to Matt being home around him as well. His dishes in the sink didn't get washed, he didn't hear the TV when Casey was catching on his shows and he had nobody to talk to over dinner. He also had nobody to check on between those times. He was still worried about Casey, but no longer about the divorce but about something so much worse.

Now every time he came home it was quiet. The bedroom was empty and there was nobody to talk to. He spend every vising hour he could at the hospital. He was not sure if the quiet house made him feel horrible or if it was the visiting hour at the hospital.

Each time he walked in during the visiting hour he did get worried about his friend. He got worried about his friend being on the ventilator. The doctor had told him that it was to give his remaining lung some peace, but it worried Kelly. There had been no word if his friend had started breathing on his own, and with the ventilator there was no way to find out.

After about a week since the fire, Matt still in the induced coma and Kelly sat by him. The monitors let him know that Matt was still alive that but his face was getting paler and Kelly was not so sure if his friend was even still there. The ventilator had still not been removed. That worried Kelly the most, as he knew it meant that his friend had not started breathign on his own yet.

Pinching his hand even harder, he hoped that his friend would wake up, and he could ever make this up to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that is the ending of chapter 2! You are absolutely allowed to hate me. Anyway I hope you liked the continuation of this story. I promised some Casey whump and here it is! Thank you so much for reading, please let me know what you thought by leaving a comment and hopefully till next time!


	3. Arson

###  Two days later 

It had been a full week now since the fateful call at the gas station. Kelly had spent every allowed moment by Matt's side and the week had seemed like a year to him.

Boden, Herrmann and the chaplain had been here for him as well multiple times, but kept their distance outside of the room.

Christie had been in the hospital as well, but had not dared to go into his rooms. Even now with the skin grafts, Matt's state was fragile and the doctors were worried about infection risk. If he would get an infection, his single lung would not be able to fight it off. She said she would be back though with Violet when he was awake.

Kelly followed all of the instructions as thorough as he could. He washed his hands, wore the gown, gloves and mask and even steered away from holding Matt's hand now.

The doctors had taken the skin from his unburned left leg and placed it on his arm and chest. Kelly had thought that both of his legs had gotten out unscathed. But in the panic of being on fire and Herrmann trying to push Casey to the ground to put the fire out, Matt had thrown off the heavy pants off and the fire had reached his right leg as well.

Often when he came around in the morning, a therapist was very carefully moving him to avoid bed sores and to try and keep his burned limbs flexible. He was lucky the left side of his body had come out unscathed for a large part, as well as his face, but Kelly knew it would be a hard recovery. It would be weeks before the burns on his right arm, chest and right leg would even be closed. Those were all severely burned and dressed in thick bandages after the skin graft. His arm was in really bad shape, but Kelly also knew that if he had not raised up his hand and arm to try an protect his face, it would have been a lot worse. One of the burns on his throat spilled over is jaw onto his face just a little bit, but except for that his face had come unscathed.

Today he was going back into surgery to remove the drains that were still his chest as well as close the surgical wound of the surgery he had had to remove the lung. With his chest burned, they had not been able to close all the wounds and it had to be done.

That night after the surgery he went back to Matt. He spend a lot of time outside of the room as the whole team of doctors that was on his case kept barging in to check on him. He stayed in the room as the respiratory therapist came in though. The man was very nice and tried to keep Kelly as informed as possible.

''He still isn't breathing on his own?'' Kelly said concerned.

''He started breathing on his own yesterday evening. We need to keep monitoring him closely, but things are looking good.'' Doctor Mason told him. ''If he keeps it up we can remove the ventilator tomorrow morning.''

''Sounds like he is finally making progress.''

''I know it is hard to stay positive but he is making lots of progress.'' Mason said compassionate.

On his way back from the hospital, he stopped at a jeweler. Casey had been wearing his watch during the call and it had gotten damaged. He had gotten it from the hospital staff and even though it did not matter at all at this moment at least he felt he had had the feeling he could do something for his friend. It was something unimportant, but he felt good getting it repaired for his friend.

Taking the watch home, he put it on the nightstand in his friend's empty room.

The next morning, Casey was finally taken of the ventilator. Even though he had started to breathe on his own again, it was still shallow and they monitored him closely. Kelly had hoped it would mean that he was going to wake up now, but they still kept him in a medical induced coma. As the doctor had said, there was no use waking him up now as he was only going to be in pain once they did.

He was staying with Matt until the nurses came to change the dressings on his body. He did not want to be there for that and left instead. He really did not want to see the burns that had done so much damage to his friend's body.

Keeping his head down, he walked into the firehouse. He knew he did not need to be here as he was off, but there were some reports he still had to finish. There was nothing he could do for Matt and sitting in the hospital was making him feel more and more horrible.

Even when he was at the firehouse, people did not ask him about Matt. The squad lieutenant wasn't dealing well with his best friend being in the hospital and they were constantly updated by Boden.

The relief lieutenant let him have his office to work on finishing the reports he still had to do. With his mind constantly with his friend the reports seemed to take forever.

One of the files on his desk was from the gas station call. Wondering why it was here, he grabbed it. He was pretty sure Boden had handled it, but yet here it was.

Curious he opened it, immediately closing it again as there were some pictures of Matt in the ER and his injuries. Taking a moment, he opened the file again.

Finally he did start to read, looking at the pictures of the burned down shop as well as the pumps.

Looking at the pictures, he grabbed the phone on his desk.

''This is lieutenant Kelly Severide, I would like to report the suspicion of arson being involved in a call.'' He spoke.

A while later, after finishing the reports he wanted to walk to his car but Boden called him into his office.

''Anything wrong chief?'' Kelly asked as he sat down.

''I just got a call from arson telling me that you called them to investigate the gas station fire.''

''One of the pumps might have been tempered with. ''

''Kelly, it was not arson. There was a malfunction in the pump because of the fire.'' Boden told him, feeling so sorry for the man.

''But-''

''I know you are trying to make sense of it all, but it was an accident. I already talked with arson about it.'' Boden said compassionate. He wanted to tell the man something else as he felt bad for Kelly, but there had been no arson.

''Okay. My bad.'' Kelly said softly as he got up. Walking from the office, he left the firehouse as quickly as he could. In the car he hit his steering wheel. It infuriated him. He knew Boden was right that he tried to make sense of something that didn't make sense, but he didn't want to believe what had happened due to some stupid accident. That Casey had really saved his life because of some stupid accident. That Casey was never going to get his old life back, all because of some stupid accident.

Driving back to the hospital, he made his way up to Matt's room again. There was somebody in the room with him now and he waited by the door. He noticed it was his primary doctor then, an intensivist that had looked after him since he came in. He spotted Kelly and walked towards him.

''Anything wrong?'' Kelly said concerned.

''There were some problems with his breathing paired with the medication to keep him asleep. We have to wake him up. He shouldn't be awake in too long, so you might way to stay with him until he wakes up.'' The doctor said and Kelly nodded.

''What about the pain?''

''We are doing everything we can to keep him comfortable.''

Kelly just nodded and went to wash his hands and get the gear on again. Slowly he walked into the room, Matt still asleep. He grabbed his left hand again this time.

''Honestly, I really need you to open your eyes and tell me everything is going to be okay.'' Kelly admitted. After living between fear and hope for 10 days, he was grateful his friend was going to wake up soon. He just hoped he wouldn't have too much pain.

For a second, Matt's blue eyes opened up, falling shut again after just a few seconds. Pinching his friends hand again, Kelly just hoped it was going to be alright.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You are still absolutely allowed to hate me. I hope you liked the continuation of this story. Thank you so much for reading, please let me know what you thought by leaving a review and hopefully till next time!


	4. Pain and prayers

Because of the high doses of morphine, his friend was barely aware of the world he was in. A few times he had looked at Kelly though, and he felt Matt knew he was here. Sometimes he just sat with his friend for hours, making sure he was as comfortable as possible with the nurses.

He had panicked when Matt's face had seem very flushed and sweaty. The doctor had told him it was because of the pain. Since Matt could no longer sweat from a large portion of his body, the nurses did everything in their power for Matt not to overheat.

They removed the blanket that had been covering him, and only now Kelly saw the whole severity of all the injuries. His right leg, chest and arm were fully covered in bandages. Even through the bandages Kelly noticed that the one side of his chest was no longer rising up and down like the left side of his chest was.

A nurse walked in with ice packs and put one in his neck, as well as his groin and covered him with a towel and she wanted to leave the room then.

''So in his neck and groin?'' Kelly tried to keep an eye on everything she was doing.

''Yeah, why?'' The nurse asked.

''For when he gets home.'' Kelly said.

''By that time we will probably have to explain again.'' She said before walking out of the room and Kelly sat down again. Feeling bad as he looked at his friend struggling with the pain and the heat, even though he was not fully awake and didn't seen conscious, Kelly could see his discomfort.

Later that night, Herrmann came by and told Kelly to go home catch some rest as he had been with Matt all through last night and today.

''I am not leaving him alone.'' Kelly said firm.

''You are not, I will stay with him.'' Herrmann promised. Kelly stayed a while longer, chatting with Herrmann but was grateful then that Herrmann was staying with him. He stunk and he felt tired after sitting here for almost a full 24 hours.

Herrmann stayed with Matt throughout the night, he would sleep when the kids were going to school tomorrow. Early in the morning Kelly was already back in the room again to take over from him again. He was grateful Herrmann fell the same about not wanting to leave Matt alone and he felt a lot better after sleeping and showering.

The day after he was doing a bit better, and he was tucked into bed again now that his body temperature had lowered again and the pain was better. Honestly Kelly felt stupid for asking the nurse that now 2 days ago. It would probably take a long time for Matt to recover enough to go home. Kelly just wished he could come home and he could look after Matt. He knew that he could do nothing to ever fully make up his friend saving his life. But when he got home, he at least wanted to try.

Matt kept sweating heavily from his forehead and Kelly – as the nurses had told him to do – kept wetting a small towel in the bathroom with cold water and dabbed Matt's forehead. His friend had opened his eyes once and looked at him, gratefully. It gave Kelly some hope that his friend was getting more aware of what was going on around him.

Matt woke up again and he lifted his left arm, trying to take the mask off his face.

''Shhhh – it is going to be alright.'' Kelly told him. Matt's hand dropped down on the blanket and searched for Kelly's hand. Taking his hand again, Matt tried mumble something from under the mask, but Kelly couldn't understand him.

''Matt you need to take it easy.'' Kelly said concerned, worried about his friend. Tears welled up in Matt's eyes and before Kelly could say anything, his friend started to cry.

''It is going to be alright.'' Kelly told him again, but Matt didn't seem to calm down. Pressing the call button, Kelly pinched his hand again.

''Are you in pain?''

Matt blinked a few times and finally he heard him say yes softly.

''There is a nurse coming.'' Kelly promised him Matt kept sobbing, trying to move but his whole body was in pain. He kept pinching Kelly's hand and nervous Kelly looked out until a nurse was going to come.

Finally a nurse came walking in and after upping his morphine, he was asleep again.

Kelly had gone home to take a quick nap and shower as he had been with Matt for most of the night and when he came walking back into the hospital, the chaplain was in the room with him. Matt was awake and the chaplain was talking to him. Matt was looking at him, seeming a bit more aware. He hoped Matt had not been alone for too long in his two hour absence.

Waiting outside the room to give them some more privacy, the chaplain noticed him and walked him as he came walking from Matt's room.

''How are you holding up?'' He asked Kelly worried.

''Hanging on, just want to be here for Matt – thank you for being here too.''

''There have been a lot of prayers for him these last weeks through the whole fire department. I know it is not really your thing, but I wanted to pray with him, hope it would give him some extra strength.''

''I am sure he appreciates it very much.'' Kelly appreciated the man being here for Matt.

''He told me he did, you should go in.'' The chaplain smiled, laying his hand on Kelly's shoulder for a moment before walking off. Walking into his room, he was glad to see his friend was still awake. The chaplain saying that he had even talked made him hopeful that he could finally talk to him as well.

''Hey bud, how are you feeling?'' Kelly said concerned as he sat down with Casey.

''Fine.'' Casey struggled form under the mask, giving Kelly a faint smile.

''No pain?''

''No.'' Matt said softly.

''That is good, wouldn't want you in pain.'' Kelly told him and Matt let go of a sigh. He wasn't in any pain, but all the drugs made it hard to stay awake.

''You should go back to sleep if you are tired.''

''No – not t-tired.'' Matt managed to mumble just now. The last time he could remember waking up he had been in a lot of pain, but it was not as bad this time. But he wanted to know what was going on. With the chaplain being here just earlier he was worried what was going on.

''Can I get you some-''

''wha – happened?'' Matt mumbled muffled from under the oxygen mask.

Kelly took his hand again and usually he would've pulled his hand back, as he didn't like people touching him, but he allowed it now. It brought some comfort as his eyes were filled with tears, afraid for what was going to come.

''You uhm, you got in an accident on the job. I am… I wish I could tell you something else, but I am going to tell like it is. You have burns over 40% of your body, they have done skin grafts endlessly. Plastic surgeon thinks you will regain function in most of the burned areas.''

Matt's eyes closed for a second as the tears streamed down his cheeks.

''Because of the burns on your chest and you breathing the smoke your right lung ended up very damaged, and they had to remove it. You only have one lung, Matt.'' Kelly said slowly, still holding his hand as he let the news sink in.

''The gas..''

''Yeah the gas station.''

There was a silence for a few seconds.

''You pushed me out of the way- you saved me.'' Kelly said with tears in his eyes as well now.

''Good.'' Matt said with the slightest smile on his face and falling back in the slumber of the painkillers again. Hearing Matt say that, Kelly started to bawl. He felt horrible his friend being so selfless and even though Matt did not regret it, he felt horrible about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading and please let me know what you thought before leaving :)


	5. Anger and tears

The following day was hard for the both of them. Kelly stuck to Matts bedside. Bu this friend was more conscious now but also in a lot more pain. The staff and Kelly tried their best to keep him comfortable. The staff gave him painkillers, but because his breathing was not great they were very careful with the stuff they were giving him. Kelly left the room when a therapist came to move him. As he was touching Casey's arm and leg he was pretty sure heard his friend cry from the room. After that he had been in such a bad mood, he had asked Kelly to leave.

The next day, Casey was in a lot better mood when he woke up. The pain was manageable today and he even made it to stay awake a few minutes, talking to Kelly. He gave up then because of his sore jaw and fell asleep soon after. Kelly stayed with him for most of the day. Sometimes Matt woke up and the painkillers made him hazy and he didn't say much, but a few times he had woken up and talked with Kelly for a bit.

''You know.''

Kelly moved a bit closer as Casey was talking to softly.

''Know what?''

''Know what I was –'' Matt had to stopped to take a deep breath. Even with the oxygen mask he was struggling.

''Matt – just take it easy.'' Kelly said concerned.

''thinking about my lung.'' Matt sighed annoyed that Kelly kept interrupting him and Kelly made sure he didn't do it again. Casey stopped for a few second but got a mischievous smile on his face then.

''Can always tell – tell people Gabby got it in the divorce.'' Matt struggled and Kelly couldn't help but laugh. The joke tried Matt out so much he was asleep again within a minute.

The next time Matt woke up it was time for dinner. At least Severide had thought – Matt was still not eating. The painkillers and the pain itself caused him not to eat, so they hadn't removed the gastric tube for now. Looking down at his right hand in the bandages, he didn't feel motivated to eat anyway.

The doctor had told him that the tube had been there to avoid nausea, as he would not be allowed to throw up because of the surgery on his chest for his lung. But now after weeks, they wanted to remove it, but Matt wasn't eating.

''I have a shift tomorrow – I know Christie is coming by to see you – I will be back here as soon as I can.'' Kelly promised his friend.

''Sounds good.'' Matt said tired as Kelly was arranging on the cards that he had received on the small cabinet in the back of the room.

''I think the chaplain is coming too.''

''I was – I was really worried when he came in first time – thought – thought I was going to die.'' Matt mumbled as he was dozing off again.

''I think we were all worried about that buddy.'' Kelly admitted.

A nurse came in to change his dressings on his arms and hand. Kelly wanted to get up, give his friend some privacy but Matt did not let go of his left hand.

''It really hurts, can you stay?'' Matt asked and Kelly nodded. He sat down on the left side of his friend and took his hand. Matt was looking away from the nurse started to remove the bandages from his arm and hand. Kelly looked at his friend's face, not wanting to look at the burns. Matt was pinching his hands, tears burning in his eyes.

''It is looking really good Matt, the burns are closed, the grafted skin took great.'' The nurse said as she was working on his hand.

Looking up now, Kelly looked as well. The skin was red and messy, but she was right, the burns were closed.

''I am going to wrap up your arm tightly, but your hand will be left free for now, the physical therapist wants to work on it tomorrow.'' She told him, Matt not answering as he was sobbing softly while Kelly was trying to comfort him.

''Thank you.'' Kelly just said to the nurse, saw she was trying to be as careful as she could and make Matt comfortable. When she was done, Kelly and she helped Matt sit up in the bed again.

''Want me to get you a sedative so you can sleep?''

''Yes please.'' Matt said as Kelly handed him a tissue to dry his tears. His arm and hand were on a pillow beside him and Matt looked at his hand now. It was burned badly and the grafted piece of skin were clearly visible. Kelly looked as Matt tried to move his hand, only to grimace and stop.

Upset Matt was still looking at his hand and Kelly rubbed over his shoulder.

''It is going to be okay.''

''It is really bad.'' Matt admitted, trying to keep his tears from flowing.

''I know, and I am really sorry.''

''Don't be.'' Matt mumbled then and Kelly looked as his friend finally dozed off again.

The shift went by slowly. He'd rather be with Matt, especially since he had been in so much pain the last few days. He felt helpless as even though he wanted to be by his friend's side, there was nothing he could do to change his situation.

After shift, he came walking back into the hospital room where Matt was staying. He couldn't believe his friend was already in here for over three weeks. His friend was awake, sitting on the bed with most of the large bandages gone now, replaced by patches on some parts of his body. Matt wearing only his boxers, looking sweaty and Kelly walked in concerned. It was hard to see the full extent of injuries now. 

''You overheated again?''

''Good morning to you too.'' Matt said dryly, panting slightly.

''Matt?'' He asked concerned anyway, sitting down by his friend. Matt felt even worse now, laying here on the bed in his underwear, all his injuries, scars and even the cathether out for the world to see.

''No, I had physical therapy. Tried to get me in a – in a wheelchair.'' He struggled.

''How did it go?''

''Terrible. try s-sitting on a burned ass.'' Matt panted annoyed. Not sure what to say, Kelly wanted to try and cheer his friend up instead.

''Took this from the firehouse. They got you a little care packet.'' Kelly carefully put the small table over is bed and the box on it.

Helping Matt open it, Matt smiled at all the stuff coming from it. There were a lot of magazines and books, as well as a very sweet card from all of them. There were some treats as well and even though Matt still didn't feel like eating now, it was really nice.

''When you feel up for it they really want to come by.''

''I would like that.'' Matt smiled just a bit. Even though Boden and Herrmann had been by a few times, he had not wanted to see anybody else. Even Casey having been here was heart on him. He and his sister had never been super close, and he felt so vulnerable now in the bed.

''Matt, I am really worried about you.'' Kelly finally admitted, looking at the plate of breakfast on the nightstand. It was still untouched.

''I am not hungry.'' Matt sighed as he looked away.

''You may need to eat anyway, you really need to eat to recover.''

''What's the point!?'' Casey asked him mad, going into a couching fit then. A nurse came in to check on him and Kelly backed off.

''Do you want me to stay?''

''No just go.'' Matt told him, still upset. Not wanting to make things worse, Kelly got up. While he walked out of the room he saw the tears stream down Matt's face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always - I am quite repetitive, I know - thank you so much for reading I hope you enjoyed this chapter as always! Please let me know what you thought and I write fast, the next chapter is never far away! :)


	6. Outside

''Feeling a bit better today?'' Kelly asked concerned as his friend had been so mad with him yesterday.

''I just keep getting so annoyed, I am sorry.'' Matt said softly. He felt bad about how he had been with Kelly yesterday. He had been tired and in pain, but still felt bad about it.

''You are on a lot of steroids. Can't help it you change into the hulk sometimes.''

He looked glad at the plate on the small table. Even though Matt had not finished it, he had eaten a few bites.

''Finally hungry?''

''Not really, but I know I have to.'' Matt mumbled as he was trying to sit up a bit. Kelly wanted to help him up, but he was worried about touching his chest or arm because of the burns. Even though the skin was closed, Matt whimpered as soon as they put a blanket over him and the last thing he wanted was hurt his friend.

''Talked to my doctor this morning – said I could look at going home when I get the compression sleeve for my arm and leg. But need to get clearing from the therapist as well and he says we have a lot more work to do.'' Matt told his friend.

''What more work?''

''Just honestly being able to do anything. I feel so tired all the time. Respiratory therapist said that I might need to stay on the oxygen for a while longer.''

Kelly nodded understanding. ''I would love to have you home, but only when you feel good enough to go home.''

''That might still be a while.'' Matt sighed. He wanted to recover as fest and he was putting in the effort. But he did feel a it demotivated by the long road he had ahead. Especially with all the pain he was constantly going through.

His therapist arrived for his first session of the day.

Kelly left the room as his therapist came in. He was grabbing some coffee, waiting outside the room then. He looked as Matt struggled to get up from the bed. Even though his foot on the right side was not burned and his left leg was healed from the skin grafts, he struggled standing up and he could see his friend hurting. Sitting in the wheelchair then, he and the therapist moved to a table and Kelly looked from afar and very carefully Matt was trying to move his hand.

Hopefully next week he could work on walking again, but everything hurt and he was happy to just focus on his hand for now.

As the session was over, Kelly want back inside.

''Did you look?''

''Yeah, you did great.''

Matt wanted to say something to his friend about looking at him because he was a bit upset about how slow his progress was, but his friend really seemed proud of him.

''How about a short walk outside.'' Kelly offered and finally Matt nodded. A nurse helped him get the small cannula connected to smaller tank and Kelly shoved into a small back on the back of the chair. Matt was already panting, tired from just the small hassle. Putting a pillow under his arm and his leg up on a padded leg rest, they slowly made their way outside. A nurse came after them and handed Matt a small mask to cover his mouth and nose, as they were still worried about infections.

''Feel like a freak.'' Matt said softly as they made their way outside, but he was glad to be outside for a bit. It had been a month since the accident already, and he had not been out of the hospital since.

Making a short round outside and sitting down close by the street on a bench beside his friend, they looked at the people walking by. Matt was enjoying it and joked about finally some different faces than Kelly's. But Kelly saw the discomfort in his face as well.

''How is your toasted ass?'' Kelly asked his friend as they looked at some of the people coming by.

''Can we go back inside? It is really hurting.'' Matt admitted and Kelly nodded.

''Yeah, yeah ofcourse.''

Pushing the wheelchair back to his room, Kelly felt horrible that his friend was hurting so much. Even now that the scars were closed it was still tender and even sitting up for this short while was hurting him. They knew eventually it would get better over time but it was only making his recovery harder now.

Back in his room he saw that his friend had tears in his eyes.

''It's bad?''

''It really hurts.'' Matt complained. The right side of his ass was fully burned and it kept hurting him. It had been alright when they had gone outside at first, but now the pain was getting worse.

Kelly held his left arm as Matt stood up on his left leg for a second, sitting back down onto the bed then. Tears were burning in his eyes and Kelly wanted to help him further on the bed. But his friend was stopped, sobbing softly as the whole right side of his whole body was hurting so much.

Kelly got a nurse and together they managed to get him back on the bed and now he was laying down again, Matt slowly started to calm down a bit and feel a bit better.

''Really sorry you are hurting so much.''

''it ehm – It is okay, it was nice to be outside for a bit.'' Matt said as he was dozing off again.

Kelly left soon after as he had a shift the next day.

In the firehouse, he finally felt more in his place again. It was a bit easier to talk about Matt now knowing that his friend did not blame him at all and eventually he would be okay.

After dinner he sat down in his office to check on his friend though. He just wanted to know he was okay.

Christie was coming by again today so that didn't spend the whole day alone and he was glad Matt was reconnecting with his sister. After the divorce he had lost even more people in his life, while he didn't have that many already.

Calling Matt, he was so glad when Matt told him he had aten enough and he was off the feeding tube now. Even though it seemed like a minor thing, it was a big step for him. He had seem very demotivated and Kelly felt like Matt finally felt motivated enough again to work on his recovery.

Working through the night, a call came in. Herrmann was leading the truck now and even though he finally had the promotion he had wanted for so long, he was not happy with it because of the reason he got promoted.

After shift, he came in with a burrito like Matt really liked it. Now that he was off the feeding tube he hoped that his friend would feel up for eating some more. He cleared it with one of the nurses, but she said it was fine. Walking to the room, his friend was looking a bit upset as he walked to the room.

''Hey, I brought you a great breakfast burrito. Get excited.'' Kelly told his friend, hoping to cheer up his spirits a bit.

''Not hungry.'' Matt said upset and worried Kelly sat down.

''It is your fave – what is wrong?''

''Nothing – I just – it's nothing.'' Matt mumbled as he looked down.

''Talk to me Matt.''

''I uh – I talked to the doctor about my lung and I thought I was going to get a donor lung.'' Matt said somber. ''I uh – I should have known but since my other lung works well and it shouldn't impact me in my daily life I am not getting on the list.''

''Matt-''

''I know it is stupid.''

''It is not stupid, but you are going to be okay.'' Kelly promised his friend. ''You have had so much shit thrown at you through your life and you have always been okay. I know you are going to be again.''

''I know – and I know it is dumb because there is no chance I would get back to work with these burns and I don't know why it upsets me so much.'' Matt said as tears filled his eyes.

''You can feel upset, that is fine. It is not nothing and I know I can never make this up to you.''

''You already did, and you don't have to at the same time. But you have been here all this time…and I am really grateful for that.'' Matt gave him a small smile. Drying his tears, he took a moment to calm down again. He knew it was partly to blame on the steroids but it was like feelings kept washing over him and he could not control them. He hated it the most when he was lashing out at the people closest to him, especially Kelly. It reminded him of how his dad had been. The last thing he wanted was be like his dad.

''How about the burrito?'' He finally asked Kelly with a smile.

''Right here.'' Kelly laughed as he handed his friend the bag.

''I really appreciate you being here. I really do.'' Matt said again and both of them were so grateful for their friendship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading, please let me know what you thought by leaving a comment and hopefully till next time!


	7. Help

Groaning, Matt was trying to move his fingers. The skin was sore and tight and moving it caused a world of pain. Tears were burning in his eyes but he knew it was slowly getting better.

His physical therapist helped him sit up in the wheelchair after the session and Matt struggled eating lunch by the small table. His hand was barely cooperating, the skin tight because of the burns. He was slowly getting some function in it back, but the problem was that he also barely had any feeling in it.

Kelly had been here in the morning but gone home to shower and take a quick nap. He knew that Kelly would come back in a bit and he was grateful not always being alone. His sister was here as much as possible. Even though he had not seen Violet yet, he hoped that she would come by soon as well. Christie had told him that Violet was a bit nervous about seeing him, and he could not blame her. Hopefully when he was recovered a bit more she would come see him too.

Kelly walked in just after lunch and had taken him some t-shirts. The weather was getting hotter now. Winter had just passed when the accident had happened and now they were getting closer to summer. He missed his home in Kelly's house and just being home. The physical therapist said that hopefully he could go home in a week or three, but he would still need to be have a lot more therapy.

He didn't even know if he wanted to go home now because of all the care that he would need. He knew Kelly wouldn't mind, but he did mind his friend having to look after him. Now he needed help with getting to the bathroom, getting dressed and almost doing everything. He was scared about it not getting better and he was scared that he would always need all this help.

''Come on, let's go outside for a bit.'' Kelly told his friend and Matt nodded. Helping him get his socks on, Kelly helped him up and sit down into the wheelchair next to his bed.

The oxygen tank was in a backpack on the back of the wheelchair and Matt was already tired by the time they made it to the door. Sitting up was draining him, but he wanted to spend this time with his friend and go outside again. Kelly pushed the wheelchair through the small garden by the hospital. Even though Matt felt comfortable, he was glad to be outside as being in his room was wearing his out.

Kelly also hoped that it would also do his friend well as he was looking pale. Even though the it was only an early summer sun, he hoped it would help a bit.

Outside, they sat for a bit and Kelly told about his shift. Matt tried to sit outside a bit longer now. Even though his back and ass were still hurting him, he wanted to be outside again. Being in the room for weeks now, he still felt demotivated by the long road, but knew he had to try his best himself as well.

''You know, I'd love to take you to the firehouse sometime soon.''

''I like that too, but only when I can sit up a bit longer.'' Matt said. Kelly nodded, just glad that his friend had said yes to his offer. He hoped Matt would get out there again as he recovered more.

''Want to go back inside the room?''

''Yeah, for now.'' Matt admitted. Even going outside made him tired. It was not just that he was hurting, but kept feeling tired as well as his body was still not used to only having one lung.

Back in the room, Kelly wanted to help his friend back on the bed when he saw the blood coming from his friend's nose.

''Matt, your nose is bleeding!'' Kelly told him in a panic.

''It is fine!'' Matt said before he could get a doctor. ''Happens all the time with the nasal cannula.''

Kelly handed him a tissue and he got the cannula out, pressing the tissue again his nose.

''You need to tilt your head bac-''

''I can't!'' Matt said angry and muffled. ''You seen those burns in my neck?!''

''Want to lay do-''

''I want you to leave me alone!'' Matt said angry, clearly struggling now. He moved the tissue away to put the cannula back and get some air as he was short of breath now after yelling. Kelly wanted to help him and help clean up his face as the blood was still flowing but angry Matt glared at him.

''I said leave me alone!'' Matt said upset. Angry he pushed Kelly's hand away with his left hand.

''Matt-''

''I don't want to hear it.'' Matt yelled upset as he grabbed the tissue again and tried to hold it under his nose. A nurse had heard their yelling and came walking in to help Matt.

''Can I help?'' Kelly asked concerned but the nurse shook her head.

''I think it is better if you leave.''

Later that night, Kelly drove back to the hospital, He had felt so sorry for Matt with his nosebleed and tried to help, but knew that he had to back off when his friend had told him so.

Kelly hoped his friend wanted to see him again. Matt was on the bed, a full mask over his mouth and nose again and as he came close he saw there were some dressing stuffed into the nostril the blood had come from earlier.

Knocking on the door, Matt was him.

''Can I come in?''

''Yeah.'' Matt mumbled softly and muffled from under the mask.

''I am sorry about earlier.''

''You are allowed to be upset, I am sorry about not backing off when you asked me too.'' Kelly apologized as well.

''That's fine. I needed the help.'' Matt mumbled again and Kelly pointed at his nose.

''Your nose okay?''

''The blood thinners that are supposed to prevent cloths cause that it wouldn't stop bleeding.''

''I think you were lucky she didn't have any tampons on her'' Kelly laughed. ''It is not stupid if it works.''

Matt smiled and Kelly was glad to see his friend laughing a bit.

''Tomorrow I am going to try to set some steps again in physical training.'' Matt said proud then.

''That is great.''

''Won't be walking marathons with that leg any time soon, but just glad if I can make a few steps.'' Matt admitted. ''Honestly will have to see how it goes with my one lung but I just want to get out of this bed and this chair.''

''You will, if one is stubborn enough to heal this fast, it is you.'' Kelly assured his friend.

''Boden is also coming by tomorrow.'' Matt mumbled. ''He just wanted to see me but I know I have to talk about going back to the job and how that is not going to –''

''Matt, stop worrying about work. You just need to get better and then you can see about work. Just focus on getting home.''

''I know.'' Matt said, softly. He was worried about getting home. Kelly saw his friend fall silent and was worried about what was going on with him.

''Something wrong?''

''Kel – I don't know when I can go home. I am a worried that I can't look after myself and you shouldn't have to look after me.''

''Matt.'' Kelly sighed. ''I know it is hard for you, but I don't mind looking after you. I know it is hard to accept help but I care, and I think it would be good for you to come home.''

Matt looked aside out of the window. He knew Kelly was right about finding it hard to accept help. Kelly looked at his friend worried, knew that not just accident but his childhood had damaged his friend too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thanks so much for reading! I hope you enjoyed it and let me know what you thought by leaving a comment please. Hopefully till next chapter!


	8. The firehouse

It was a month and a half after the fateful call and the others were on shift today. He had called his sister to take him to the firehouse for a visit and she had not made a problem of it at all. Together with Violet she showed up in the morning to pick him up. The firehouse was not too far from the hospital and they promised to take him there in his wheelchair.

''I got you a new pillow for in your wheelchair.'' She said as she held up the bag.

''Where did you get that?''

''I ordered it online.''

''Thanks.'' Matt said, a bit embarrassed about needing it but with his half burned ass, he was going to need it. Violet had not said anything, looking at him not sure what to say.

''Hey, how did your test go at school? Your mum said you had a math's test.'' Matt tried to make small talk.

''It went fine.'' She said with her face all red.

''You alright?''

She just nodded and walked out to get some water from one of the vending machines.

''Is she alright?'' Matt asked a bit concerned as Christie was placing the pillow in his wheelchair.

''She uhm – I don't know Matt. I think she is a bit nervous about seeing you.'' Christie admitted.

''That is alright – I mean, it can't be easy on her.'' Matt sympathized. It did feel a bit bad that his niece was struggling so much with talking to him and seemed nervous around him,. But he understood.

''Christie, did you maybe take the shoes I asked about?'' Matta sked then as he needed some more trainers for physical therapy.

''I forgot them in my car, I will go get them.'' She told him and she left the room. Violet was looking at the floor.

''I know you find it hard to find the right words to say and hard to look at me – that is fine Violet, really.'' He said as he felt bad about his niece feeling so uncomfortable around him.

She looked up at him, her face even redder now.

''It is fine, really. I wouldn't know what to say or do if I was in your position.'' He admitted. She gave him a small smile and sat down across from him on the bed.

''It is really nice to see you again.''

''Yeah, I can come by after school sometime this week?''

''I would like that – if you have time, homework goes first.'' Matt told his niece and she nodded. ''I know.''

''You can come by soon as well when I get home.''

''How much longer till you can go home?''

''Two weeks hopefully.'' Matt said as his doctor had said that. He was not sure yet though about that. Even though he would be allowed to go home, he had still not accepted going home and his friend would need to look after him.

''Alright, I got it. Let's go.'' Christie said and he got in the wheelchair with a hand from his sister. Pulling his burned leg on the leg rest, it was sore from walking yesterday. Even though he was making short steps now the firehouse was way too far to walk.

''Yeah, wanted to check how you are all doing.'' Matt smiled and it was good to be back, even if it was just for a short visit.

''So great to see you!''

''How are you doing?'' Herrmann asked excited to see Casey.

''Getting a bit better every day.''

''So do you need to keep that oxygen?'' Cruz asked concerned.

''Hopefully not. I am just short of breath now and this really helps.'' Matt explained. Every time he did the slightest exercise, he ran out of air. Even walking in physical therapy was hard. He knew his body was still getting used to only having the one lung. Eventually he wouldn't need the oxygen anymore.

''Going home anytime soon?''

''I don't know.'' Matt admitted.

''Two weeks right?'' Kelly asked a bit concerned. He was not sure what was bothering his friend and that he was short about going home. He had thought that his friend would be more excited about going home.

'''We will see about that then.'' Matt just said softly.

''Alright, well, when are we seeing you back in Molly's?'' Herrmann asked as he saw Casey getting a bit irritated.

''Sometime soon, I am sure!'' Matt smiled, genuinely excited with the thought of going back there sometime so that he would finally feel a bit more like old times again, like his life was normal again. Chatting a while longer, Matt was starting to struggle now with the pain around his ass and his back and Christie noticed so.

''Come on, let's get you back to the hospital.'' Christie offered and he nodded. The way back was nice. Even though he still felt really hot and flushed he was glad to be outside. Being in the hospital was wearing him out. Every day was getting the same and even the staff was starting to annoy him even though they tried their best. Violet and Christie stayed a while longer but saw he was getting tired now.

The rest of the day was a bit hazy after the painkillers and he was glad to fall asleep. Only waking up for dinner, a nurse came to change the compression sleeves around his arm and leg. It was still sore but he knew it would help in the long run. When he woke up in the morning, his friend was sitting by his bedside again.

''Hey, how are you feeling? It was really nice to see you yesterday.''

''It was nice to be at the firehouse – I feel alright.''

''You want to take a walk? I'd like to see how you improved.'' Kelly said as he knew he had to walk more form his therapist even though his leg hurt.

''Yeah, sounds good.'' Matt said as he tried to sit at the edge of the bed.

Kelly helped his friend get the slippers on and held his good arm as they slowly made their way out of the room.

Matt was holding onto Kelly's arm as they were slowly walking towards the end of the hallway. His leg was hurting, but he was really glad to walk. Kelly was proud of his friend. Even though it were slow steps and he wasn't get far yet, his friend was trying really hard.

''Your leg okay?'' Kelly asked concerned as his friend was staggering. 

''Just sore.'' Matt said softly, panting. Kelly held onto him, worried his friend would fall but he was doing well. At the end of the hallway they turned around and made the way back into his room. He helped Matt sit back on the bed and get his shoes off again. 

''Matt, you are coming home in two weeks right?''

''I am not sure.'' Matt admitted as his friend helped him on the bed.

''What is wrong? You still don't want to go home?''

''I want to, but I don't want to be home helpless.'' Matt admitted. ''I'd constantly need to be helped with everything but I don't want to be burden on you. Plus you will want to stay in the job there is no use for me coming home.''

''Matt, don't say that. I want you home. You look miserable in here and the last thing I want is for you to stay here miserable. I don't mind looking after you and you know that in the beginning you will still have a nurse to help you out the first weeks.''

''I know. I just – I don't know Kelly.''

''You don't need to decide that now. Just know that I would love to have you home and I don't care taking some shifts off to look after you – as long as you have a nurse looking after your meds and wipe your ass.'' Kelly joked and Matt laughed now as well.

''Thanks Kelly. Maybe it will good to go home.'' He smiled. Holding hands for a second, both of them were so grateful for the friendship they had.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading! Hope you did like this chapter that is a bit more positive one! Thanks again and please let me know what you thought about this chapter. Hopefully till next chapter! :)


	9. Scars

Matt was in a chair outside, Kelly making sure he had enough pillows in his back and under his butt before he had walked outside getting them something to drink. It had been a long and hard walk all the way out here, especially now he didn't want to be dependent on oxygen anymore.

It had been hard, but he was so glad he had done it. His body was slowly getting used to the missing lung and it gave him home it would still get a lot better in the future.

''So you still coming home next week Monday?'' Kelly asked as he put down a can of coke in front of Matt and opening it for him.

''Yeah. there will be a nurse to help me with my compression sleeves and medication in the morning and evening. Don't like that.'' Matt admitted.

''I know you don't, but it will make it easier to go home I guess.''

''Yeah.'' Matt said with a small smile. ''I am really glad to go home, it's been a long enough time in here.''

Staring at the can in front of him, Kelly felt bad how long he had spent in here. It had only been a moment in the call when this accident had happened, but it had already taken almost 2 months of Casey's life. It would still be another month before he would even be allowed to start looking at work again. He wouldn't be back on truck, but he still hoped he could keep working for the CFD someday. Even though he would be on disability, he felt passionate about the job.

''I think you will heal a lot better. A lot more peace at home. No nurses barging, no alarms from other patients.'' Kelly said hopeful.

''I think it will be a lot harder – now I have just been dealing with the aftermath and trying to get back on my feet and heal. But to be honest I have not dealt at all with what happened and coming to terms with it. I think that blow is still coming.'' Matt admitted. He knew he would have a lot more time to think at home and he was worried about what would happen then.

''You can always talk to me.''

''I know, I just think I am not ready to deal with it yet.'' Matt mumbled.

''I got the next month off and we will see where it goes from there. We will try and so as much fun stuff you want to do and I will bring you to your appointments.''

''You don't need to-''

''I do need to do that. You saved my life and the least thing I can do is try and help you know. Besides that, you are my best friend and I want to.''

Matt smiled and felt really grateful his friend was here for him like that. Even though he did save Kelly's life, he did not want his friend to feel like he somehow had to make up for it. It was hard to accept this help but he knew it would make Kelly feel better about everything as well.

''I will make sure everything is in order for when you come home.''

''Sounds great.'' Matt mumbled. They got up and walked back to his room. He was still holding Kelly's arm as he was still worried about his leg giving in. Even though he had been working on walking again. He had been working hard but even now he was worried his leg could still give in. But his friend was next to him and he knew that there was not much that could happen now.

''Kel, slow down.'' Matt panted as he was clutching his side. Without the oxygen he was out of breath a lot quicker.

''Take your time.'' Kelly told his friend. After a minute, Matt caught his breath and they continued their way. Even though it was harder without the supplemental oxygen, Matt felt there was improvement in how long before he would run out of air.

In the room, Kelly helped his friend get changed to take a shower and waited in the room himself. With the door open he knew his friend would call for him if he needed hand but he wanted to give his friend some privacy. Something he had barely had the past 2 months.

Hearing the shower turn off, he was glad all had gone well.

''Kel? Can you help me out for a second?'' Matt asked and Kelly got up. Matt was standing outside of shower, a towel wrapped around his waist but still dripping wet.

''Can you dry off my back and neck carefully?'' He asked and Kelly took a towel. He started dabbing his friend dry very carefully not to hurt the scars on his back and his neck.

''Are the scars still sore?''

''A bit.'' Matt admitted, leaning against the sink. Looking at the burns creeping onto his back from his side, there was also the large scar of when they had removed his lung.

Kelly held his friend as he was getting dressed in a t-shirt and boxers, worried Matt would fall over because of his leg.

Matt had only just sat down on the edge of the bed when a nurse came in with dinner and to put the compression sleeves back on his leg and his arm.

''Want me to leave the room?''

''I would feel good if you would be able to help me too.'' Matt told him as the nurse started with the compression sleeve on his leg. ''You know, just in case?''

''Sure.'' Kelly said as the nurse explained. As she was moving the sleeve up his arm and hand, Matt was wincing and he saw his friend hold back the tears. When she left the room tears were streaming down his cheeks as he sat back on the bed, holding his burned hand in his other hand.

''Pain bad in your hand?''

''Yeah.'' Matt said softly. Kelly laid his hand on Matt's shoulder, trying to comfort him.

''Doctor explained they were thinking of amputating the lower bit of my arm when I came in. When the pain gets really bad I sometimes think it would have been better - but then I am also glad to still have some use in my hand. Pain makes me think weird stuff.'' Matt said as he wiped away the tears.

''The pain will get better over time, right?'' Kelly said concerned and Matt nodded, wincing then because of his neck.

''Yeah and in the long run they want to look at maybe improving my hand with surgery, but everything needs to heal first.''

''That makes sense.'' Kelly nodded.

''Well, at least I got some medication now too.'' Matt said as the took them and started dinner then. ''You don't need to stay and watch me eat.''

''Nah, I will pick something up on the way home. It is not like you won't fall asleep after dinner anyway.'' Kelly teased his friend.

''Probably.'' Matt agreed. He finished up dinner and as Kelly had predicted, was soon also falling asleep.

''Alright, sleep well. Only a few more days before you are out of here.''

''Kelly, it really means a lot how you have been here the last months and I am so glad you are making it possible that I am finally coming home.'' Matt said as he was almost asleep. So glad his friend had pulled through, he only got up when Matt was asleep. Even though the road was still long, especially with what he had said this afternoon, Kelly hoped it would all turn out okay for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading. I hope you like where the story is headed! Matt is coming home and I hoped you like the bonding between the friends. Thanks so much again and please let me know what you thought by leaving a review


	10. Home

Walking through the hallway of the hospitals, Kelly was ready to take his friend home at last. But even now he was not sure if his friend was going home. It was so hot outside because of a heatwave he was not sure if his friend would be allowed to go home.

As Kelly walked in his room, Matt was mostly dressed. Sitting up in his wheelchair, the small oxygen tank on his lap.

''Your breathing okay?'' Kelly asked concerned.

''Just stressed about going home.'' Matt admitted.

''Need a hand with your shoe?''

''Yeah, thanks.'' Matt said as he sat down again. Careful Kelly put the sneaker on his right foot. The burns started just above his ankle, but he was still worried about hurting his friend.

''Nobody is coming to see me, right? I am really not in the mood to see anybody.'' Matt said as Kelly was tying his laces.

''Herrmann and Boden wanted to. I said no, they are coming over for dinner tomorrow night if you feel up for it.''

''That is good.'' Matt said. He felt really stressed about leaving the hospital today and was really not looking forward to even more stress. Especially since it was so hot today, he had enough on his mind. With some help from the nurses, he had already packed all of his stuff.

''Are you good to go?''

''No, have to wait for the doctor to say I can go.'' Matt said annoyed and impatient.

''You've been in here for six weeks now. You should be fine waiting another minute.'' Kelly joked but Matt looked at him only even more annoyed. After only a few more minutes, the doctor came to give Matt his discharge papers.

''We would really like to keep you here a few days longer.''

''You said I could go today.''

''You really need to be careful with this heatwave.'' The doctor said worried and Kelly wanted to tell his friend to stay.

''I really want to go home.''

''Fine, I will see you in a few days for our appointment. Don't slack on your therapy. I am glad to see you go home.'' The doctor said and Matt shook his hand. Kelly wanted to object but Casey seemed to want to book it the second he could. Tugging the wheel with his left hand, Kelly finally started pushing the wheelchair. At the car, Matt struggled getting into the car. Kelly was trying to help as much as he could, but even touching Matt's arm hurt him.

Driving home, Matt was enjoying the ride home.

It was super-hot in the apartment now that Matt was finally coming home, and Kelly was worried about it. With his body's temperature regulations all messed up, he was worried it would send Matt back into the hospital. Pushing the wheelchair into Casey's bedroom, Casey immediately noticed his room was different. The large tv from the living room had been moved to his room. There were curtains as well and his bed had changed.

Casey looked surprised at the bed and then angry at Kelly.

''You got me a new bed?''

'' And mattress, it's a gel one, it is better for you and your skin.''

''Piss off.'' Matt said with a scowl.

''A thank you would be nice.''

''I didn't ask for this.''

''I know, but it is better for you. I can never repay you for what you did so I at least want to help you where I can.''

''Fine, thank you.'' Matt just mumbled then and carefully got up from the wheelchair. Kelly held his left arm as he stood up and sat down on the edge of the bed. Kelly helped him sit back and put the bed up a bit so he could sit up better. Grabbing the backpack with the oxygen tank from the back of the wheelchair he put it beside the bed. Matt was panting and shook his head.

''This heatwave is going to kill me.'' Matt sighed then and Kelly was worried. He had told Matt to stay in the hospital a few days longer until the heat cleared out but Matt had wanted to leave as soon as he could.

''I am going to get you some ice water and ice packs.'' Kelly said concerned as he got up.

''Fine, I'll go pick a movie.'' Matt yelled after him and Kelly chuckled. In the kitchen he wrapped a bag of ice in a towel and grabbed a jug of water with ice and walked back. Laying the bag of ice in Matt's neck, he looked down at the long pants and socks Casey was wearing.

''Is it okay if I get these off you?''

''Yeah.'' He sighed softly. Kelly closed the curtains as well to try and keep the room as cool as possible.

''It was a really stupid idea to leave the hospital today.'' Kelly told his friend as he was helping Casey get undressed.

''You just want to enjoy my dad bod.'' Casey joked, thinking back about the morning of the accident.

''There is not much of that left.'' Kelly told him as Casey had become so skinny.

''Need to fatten me up.''

''We are ordering pizza tonight.'' Kelly said as he tossed Casey's clothes in the hamper. Matt felt a bit self-conscious as he was left in only his boxers and the scars, but he tried not to mind with Kelly. He knew his friend was the last person judging.

''Want me to get some more cooling packs?'' Kelly asked worried.

''No, I feel fine.'' Casey said and Kelly turned on the TV.

''Where is that movie you were picking out?'' He asked as he got Netflix going. Matt barely made it halfway through the movie before he was dozing off.

Sitting beside his friend to watch the movie, he just felt so grateful he was finally home. Soon he was dozing off, and Kelly paused and let his friend sleep.

Leaving the door open in case his friend needed anything, Kelly made his way to the kitchen and started reading some of the brochures and the papers the doctor had given him. He knew Casey wouldn't read them, assuring everybody he didn't need the help. Kelly hadn't done that after his neck surgery years ago, but he cared about his friend and wanted to make sure there was nothing else he could do to make his friend feel more comfortable.

He only looked up from the papers as Matt was struggling to get up from the bed.

''Something wrong?''

''I need to get up for a bit.'' Matt said, clearly in discomfort.

''Toasted ass?'' Kelly said as he helped him stand up.

''It is really bad.'' Matt admitted. Kelly helped him sit up and had his arm around his friend as they made their way to the living room. Walking around for a bit then, Matt said he wanted to sit down again. Holding his left arm as Matt sat down, he went to grab some more cooling packs.

Matt was panting as he was holding his side. It made Kelly even more angry that his friend did not qualify for a transplant. Even though the doctor was right and he could survive, it was hard to see his friend struggle with the slightest things. Even if it would get better, there would still be so many things he would not be able to do.

Laying the towel with the ice bag in Matt's neck again, he was not sure if it would be a good idea to stay at home. Even with the AC, his friend was struggling. He understood that Matt did not want to stay in the hospital any longer, but he was scared for his health. Hopefully the nurse tonight would either calm his worries or have Matt go back to the hospital.

''Alright, time for the pizza I guess?'' Kelly tried to cheer up his friend.

''I am really not hungry.'' Matt admitted.

''Well, you are eating something. Plus we have a match to watch. We don't watch matches without food and drinks.'' Kelly argued.

''Even if that drink is soda?'' Matt asked with a smile.

''Yeah.'' Kelly laughed.

''Alright, I will have pepperoni.'' Matt smiled and Kelly went to order the pizza. Sitting with his friend again, he was glad he was home. They watched the preshow to the game as pizza arrived and even Matt had a few slices. After the match the nurse came to take care of Matt.

Kelly wasn't sure what to do as the nurse was here. Sitting around in his bedroom, he just waited for her to leave.

As she was about to leave, half an hour later, Kelly walked towards her.

''Is he okay – with the heat and all?''

''I tried to talk to him about it. He says he is fine, his temperature is okay and there is nothing I can do about it.'' The nurse admitted.

''Alright, thanks anyway.'' Kelly said as he let her out. Kelly walked to Matt's bedroom. He was ready to go to sleep now, Kelly sitting down for his bedside for a bit.

''I really appreciate all you did to make things as comfortable as possible.'' Matt said and he meant it.

''I am just really glad you are home – I just worry a lot.'' Kelly admitted.

''Well, even though I don't like people worrying about me, I think you have the right to worry about me.'' Matt admitted. ''I will talked to my therapist tomorrow about the heatwave it that helps?''

''That would be good.'' Kelly nodded. Making sure his friend was comfortable and falling asleep, he stayed by his side for a while longer.

Kelly still felt so bad about his friend ending up hurt. Even though Kelly knew Matt did not want him to feel guilty, he did feel grateful for his friend selfless act, and felt bad about his friend having to go through all of this.

''Kel?''

Awoken from his thoughts, he looked up at his friend.

''I am fine, go to your own bed.'' Matt said softly.

''It's my house you know.''

Matt rolled his eyes.

''Alright, well, it's too hot to sleep anyway, how about we finish that movie?''

''You know you are not going to make it till the end.'' Kelly teased his friend, sitting down on the bed beside him.

''We will finish it sometimes.'' Matt joked. Glad his friend was here for him, he tried not mind the worries too much. In the hospital it had seemed like his life was over, but now he was home and hopefully would get some parts of his life back, he hoped that it would get better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much again for reading. I hope you enjoyed it – please let me know what you thought by leaving a review! Hopefully till next chapter!


	11. Molly's

**A week later**

********

********

Kelly was in the kitchen making breakfast for him and Matt. He would need to bring his friend to the hospital in half an hour. His friend was just getting ready with the help of the nurse but Kelly knew he would still have time for a good breakfast.

Luckily the heat was a lot better now and his friend had been working hard in therapy the past few days.

''Can I get you anything?'' Kelly offered the nurse that had been here for the past week as she was getting ready to leave.

''No thanks, I need to get my next client.'' She thanked him and left. Kelly finished up breakfast for the both of them. Matt came walking from his bedroom with his sport clothes on, ready for physical therapy.

''Take it easy.'' Kelly said concerned as Matt sat down on the chair, clutching his side.

''Yeah yeah.'' Matt just sighed as Kelly put down the plate in front of him. He was only up for a bit now but he was already tired. Today he would need to go to physical therapy as well as meet with his occupational therapist. Soon, after a big breakfast, they made their way to the car.

''First physical, then occupational, right?'' Kelly asked as he started the car.

''Yeah - Will you have to wait in the hospital?'' Matt asked then. ''I am sorry about the long-''

''I need to run some errands anyway, need to get some groceries and pick up your medication.''

''Kel – I am really sorry how you are constantly doing stuff for me. Driving me and picking up stuff for me.''

''I really don't want you apologizing. I am glad I can help you in some way. Matt again, you jumped in front of those flames for me. And you are my best friend. It is really something I like doing for you.'' Kelly assured him. Parking in front of the hospital, he walked around the car to help Matt out. Every time he got up, it hurt his leg.

''Need me to walk with you?''

''No, I am fine.'' Matt just said as Kelly closed the door. Looking as his friend walked inside, he saw him struggle walking on his own. He knew Matt struggled with even asking for help, but he felt bad his friend did not feel okay asking him for help.

Going to the supermarket, he picked up everything for the next few days. Before he couldn't make a meal to save his life but now that he looked after Matt, he was glad he could finally help with this. Matt had wanted to help make dinner a few days ago but because of his hand he had given up quickly.

He had barely been out of the house, both because of the heat and because he didn't want to. Planning to take him out tonight, he really hoped that this friend would agree to it.

Picking up the medication as well, he made sure was back at the hospital in time. Matt was waiting for him at the front, struggling a bit with standing up.

Getting back into the car, Kelly looked concerned at his friend's angry expression.

''Something wrong?''

''Just a bit frustrated.'' Matt admitted. Not sure what to say or make his friend feel any better, he just drove home.

''So I was thinking we could go to Molly's tonight?'' Kelly said then as it had been on his mind while running errands.

''I-''

''Before you object, I asked Herrmann and he said he is expecting most guys from the firehouse to show up and I think it would be nice to get out of the house. We can call your nurse and ask her to come later.'' Kelly tried to encourage his friend.

''I wanted to say I'd like. I wasn't going to object.'' Matt laughed. ''But yeah, I would like to go tonight.''

''Great.'' Kelly smiled. In the past days Matt had not been out with him at all, so he was glad that his friend was finally getting out of the house. Even if it was just for a few hours.

At home, Matt went to take a nap before going to Molly's. The therapy had really tired him out and he barely made it to his bed until he was fast asleep.

He was watching TV until he heard Matt ask for him.

''Kel?''

''Yeah.''

''Can you get me my pills. The pain in my back is bad.'' Matt admitted. Kelly got him what he asked for, feeling bad to see his friend struggle again.

''You still up for going?'' he asked a bit concerned as the pain had been really bad again.

''Yeah, it is subsiding already.'' Matt said as Kelly sat down on the edge of the bed.

''Can you help me get ready?''

''Ofcourse.'' Kelly nodded and was glad he did ask for help now. Matt grabbed the clothes he wanted to wear and Kelly helped him up. Helped by Kelly with getting dressed, Matt tried not to feel bothered by it. Kelly let him do as much as he could. He struggled a lot with his right arm and hand but with some help from his friend, he was soon ready to go.

''Want to take the wheelchair?''

''No, I should be alright if Herrmann did not throw out all of the chairs.'' Matt said with a smile as they made their way to the car.

''What about your pillow?''

''Kel, I will be fine.'' Matt said as they got to the elevator.

''Well, don't crying to me about your toasted ass then.'' Kelly warned him as a joke, but he was a bit concerned about his friend.

''We can take a taxi if you like so you can have a drink.'' Matt offered but Kelly shook his head.

''Another time, just want to make sure you are alright first.'' He admitted as he opened the door for him. Struggling to pull his leg into the car, he was excited to see everyone, but also nervous. It was the first time most of them saw him again since he had visited the firehouse about a month ago. Even though his clothes mostly covered up the burns and garments, he was still worried about what they would think. He knew he looked pale and thin and was in no good shape.

But he also knew that they were his family, and most of them wouldn't care what he looked like.

Kelly parked in front of the door, helping Matt out of the car. Going to park, Matt waited for him. Holding his friend's arm, Kelly helped him up the stairs. It hurt his leg and he was out of breath. Leaning on Kelly, he took a moment before they entered the bar.

''Look who his here!'' Herrmann yelled at the bar and immediately people gathered around Matt to greet him. It was so great to be back and see everybody. Even though he had not want to see people in the last few weeks as he way trying to come to terms with what happened himself, he had missed them.

''What can I get you to drink?''

''Just a soda.'' Matt ordered.

''No beer?''

''Soon again.'' Matt said as he was glad he was sitting on a chair after walking to the table. They kept the talks about his recovery short, talking about what happened at the firehouse instead. It felt great to hear about. He really missed being around there. He promised himself to go out more again, even just visiting the firehouse.

Looking as Kelly was eyeing a girl sitting at one of the tables, he tried to hide his smile by taking a sip.

''You can talk to her if you want.'' He said, not wanting his friend to feel like he couldn't because of him.

''And have her look as I put you to bed?'' Kelly joked to his friend.

''I have a nurse for that.'' Matt corrected him, feeling a bit embarrassed about admitting that in front of the others.

''You have a woman touching you every morning and night, I think most of us are jealous.'' Kelly joked back, glad his friend could smile about it now.

''So, lose a lung.'' Casey deadpanned and everybody laughed.

Matt was still good, although the pain in his back started again.

After a while, he did see his friend struggle. Even though they would have to leave soon because the nurse would be at their place soon for Casey.

''Kel – can we?'' Matt asked then and Kelly nodded.

''Yeah, let's go.'' Kelly agreed. Kelly helped him up from the chair. Matt tried not to mind as he needed the help getting up, but he knew that the others wouldn't even mention it. Kelly helped him down the stairs and back in the car, he smiled as he friend fell asleep almost immediately. The visit had tired him out, but he seemed very happy and content.

Matt only woke up as Kelly woke up when they got home and helped him get up to the apartment. When he laid in bed after the help from the nurse, he was so glad to have been tonight. Even though he knew he would never get back to the firehouse, it was still his family and it made him feel grateful how much they cared about him.

''You need anything before I go to bed?''

''No, I am fine. Must be hard to pick up ladies for you now.'' Matt said as a joke but he felt a bit guilty.

''Really, don't worry about it. Soon enough we will hit the bars together again, find a wifey for you again.''

''I am really not in any way ready to even think of that.'' Matt admitted and Kelly saw the hurt in his eyes. First the divorce, then the accident, and now the pain. He couldn't wrong him.

''I know. I understand.'' Kelly said and Matt smiled gratefully.

''Alright, goodnight.''

''So – about losing that lung – got any recommendations?'' Kelly teased his friend.

''Piss off.'' Matt laughed at him as Kelly left his room with a smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked the banter between the boys! Thanks so much for reading as always, would love to know what you thought


	12. CFD Barbeque

Three weeks later

Matt sat beside Kelly in the car, nervous about today. But also excited. It was the CFD BBQ and even though he was a bit nervous about the whole fire department seeing him, he looked forward to today.

Kelly helped him out of the car and he got down in the wheelchair. Even though he would be able to walk the little bit, he would need his own wheelchair anyway today. Kelly pushed the wheelchair towards the table where the rest of their firehouse was sitting.

''Hey guys.'' Matt broke the silence as they noticed them.

''You okay? With the wheelchair now?'' Herrmann asked concerned.

''Can't sit or stand that long otherwise.'' Matt admitted. Before at Molly's he had managed, but now he would be here all day he couldn't sit up that long on much else than his own chair with the special pillow.

It was so good to be here. Even though it also reminded him of the fact he would most likely never return to work, it was good to be surrounded by his firehouse family. He tried to move the sadness out of his mind and just enjoy the day.

''Want a beer?'' He offered Kelly and Kelly nodded. Getting up from the wheelchair, he slowly walked to the table with the drinks. His leg was hurting, but it was good to show that he could walk, as a lot of people were staring at him with a look of pity.

Walking to the table to grab a beer for him and Kelly, he looked at the tables across the table with drinks. Wanting to grab to bottles, he suddenly noticed a familiar face.

Looking at him, straight in the eyes, was Gabriela Dawson. For a few seconds he stood still, just looking at her. The bottle he had just grabbed, slipped from his hand and broke, falling onto the ground.

''Are you okay?'' A young man stood beside him, worried.

''Shit – sorry.'' Matt said as he looked at the mess he had made at his feet.

''It's fine captain.'' The boy said as he was picking up the large shards of glass.

Quickly grabbing two bottles, he made his way back to their own table, sitting back down in his own chair and lifting his leg on the leg rest so he could stretch the sore leg.

''You look like you just saw a ghost.'' Kelly laughed as he looked at Casey's face. The table fell silent.

''You saw Gabby didn't you?'' Brett asked concerned.

''Yeah.'' Matt mumbled.

''Sorry, we should have warned you-'' Cruz said worried.

''It is fine, we are two divorced, grown up people.'' Matt said. But even though he said it was easily, he didn't feel so fine about it. They changed the subject and chatted about what had happened around the firehouse the past few shifts. Kelly had worked some shifts, although he had had a few off and swapped so that he could be with Matt when that was needed. Especially the days he needed to go to the hospital.

The food was served when and Kelly wanted to make sure Matt ate something tonight, as he was losing weight quick. The painkillers really took away his appetite.

''Do you wanna walk to the buffet?'' Kelly asked as he saw Matt rubbing over his legs. Even on the extended leg rest the skin pulled and hurt.

''I am good, you just pick something up for me.'' Matt told Kelly. Even from the short walk to the table to grab that beer earlier had tired him out.

Walking to the buffet and BBQ to pick something up for Matt and him, Kelly saw Gabby rush to the buffet as well and he knew he was being ambushed.

''Gabby.'' He acknowledged her.

''Kelly.'' She said as she grabbed a plate, looking behind him at Matt chatting with Otis.

''You can't leave him alone?'' Kelly said, thinking of how she had tried to call him multiple times the past weeks.

''You reckon he'd be okay with me talking to him?''

''If you really think he wants to talk to you than you are even stupider than I thought.'' Kelly said, feeling a bit bad for being so harsh. But she was the woman that had broken Matt's heart, and he did not want that to happen again.

''How is he?'' Gabby said, not replying to his earlier remark.

''Decent. I mean he lost his lung, burned a large part of his body, but decent considering. The pain gets bad but he is managing.'' Kelly admitted. ''That's why I don't want you to make his life any harder.''

''I am not trying to, it is hard to leave people behind them when you cared about for so long.''

''I think you stopped caring a long time ago.'' Kelly said as he finished putting the food on the plates, walking back to Matt. Sitting down on the bench beside Matt's wheelchair, he put the plate on his lap.

''Saw you gossiping about me with Gabby.'' Matt told him as he took the cutlery from Kelly.

''She wanted to come talk to you. Told her to leave you alone.''

''We have been texting a bit.'' Matt admitted.

''Matt-''

''I know it's stupid.'' Matt said as he was moving the pasta salad around his plate.

''I just don't want you to get hurt again.'' Kelly said concerned.

''I know.'' Matt said, taking a few bites of the food then. They sat at the barbeque until the sun had set and Matt knew he needed to get home soon because of his nurse. His hand was on his lap, hurting really bad and he hoped that the nurse would give him some extra painkillers for that. Holding the bottles and eating from the plate on his lap had really asked a lot from his burned hand. Most people started leaving now, and he waited by the empty table as Kelly was going to get the car.

''Hey.''

Looking up, Gabby was standing beside him.

''I am about the head home.'' Casey stated as he looked at Kelly walking away to get the car.

''Oh.'' Gabby followed his gaze.

''heard you were grilling Kelly about how I am doing.''

''I am just concerned.''

''I texted you I was fine.'' Matt said annoyed.

''Didn't think you'd be honest to me.'' Gabby admitted as she pulled a chair closer.

''I am not the one that lied Gabby.''

''I didn't lie, I went to Puerto Rico.''

''Then why did you come back?''

''I missed the city, you, heard about your accident.'' She admitted.

''I don't think you could've stopped the accident from happening.'' Matt scoffed.

''Figured I could be here if you needed somebody to fall back on.''

''I do, but I already have Kelly for that.'' Matt said, glad his friend came walking their way.

''I am really glad about that, he is a great friend.'' Gabby just said quietly, getting up.

''He is.'' Matt said as he was glad their conversation was over.

''Is it okay if I still text you?'' Gabby asked as she moved her chair out of the way so Kelly could turn Matt's wheelchair.

''Sure, can't promise I will reply though.'' Matt answered.

''I can understand that.'' She said as she walked away then. Pushing the wheelchair back to the car that was parked closer by now, Kelly lifted his friend in.

''You okay after that talk?''

''Nothing she could say could make up for the fact she left me.'' He said. ''But it feels nice to talk about that stuff compared to always about my health.''

''How's the pain?''

''Really bad.'' Matt admitted. His hip and back were burning worse than ever before and his hand was throbbing from holding the beer bottles.

''Hospital or home?'' Kelly asked concerned.

'' Home.'' Matt answered. Driving home, Matt was starting to heat up because of the pain and not being able to sweat, so Severide quickly drove home. Matt wasn't feeling great, but today had been worth it. Kelly helped him get on the bed.

''Nurse should be here, soon.'' He told Matt as he was wrapping an ice pack in a towel and his friend nodded.

''I know, I know. It was a nice today today. Really. Thank you for taking me.''

''You are still part of the CFD, the invite was for you too.'' Kelly told him as he put an icepack in his neck.

''Don't feel like much of a firefighter anymore.'' Matt panted.

''You still are, always part of the family.''

''I know that'' Matt smiled. ''Thank you though, for being here for me.''

''Kinda owe you after you saved my life.'' Kelly joked as he handed Matt some water.

''Nah, you don't owe me anything.'' Matt smiled just a bit.

''I am really proud of you how you dealt with Gabby today. Very mature, while you had the right to be angry'' Kelly said, and he meant it.

''Getting burned and losing a lung really put things in perspective.''

The nurse arrived and Kelly looked how she injected Matt with painkillers and sedatives. He was glad to see his friend fall asleep. The last thing he wanted was to see him in pain, after a decently good day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading this chapter. I hope you did not mind the appearance of Gabby. With everything going on in his life, I also wanted to see the divorced playing off each other for now. Plus i thought it would be interesting to see Matt's reaction. I hope you liked it as well! No worries, she won't be back much more often. Hope you liked this chapter and please let me know what you think! :)


	13. The recital

**A few days later**

Kelly woke up beside Matt after his friend had had a horrible night. Matt had woken in the middle of the night in horrible pain and only after an hour, he had been able to fall back asleep. Kelly had hardly slept after that, too worried about his friend. He looked as Matt was waking up, looking tired and panting. The pain had been so bad last night his breathing had been all sorts of messed up and now he even struggled breathing.

‘’How are you feeling?’’ Kelly asked concerned.

‘’Need to get ready.’’ He mumbled, looking at the alarm.

‘’Matt, you should stay in bed today.’’ Kelly said worried. He could understand his friend did not want to miss seeing his niece today, but he was worried that it would be too much on him.

‘’Promised Violet.’’

‘’She will understand if you can’t come.’’

‘’But I want to.’’ Matt sighed. Tired he look up at the ceiling again. Even now, hours after being in so much pain, his chest still felt heavy. The last few days his leg and hand had been really bad, and not sleeping well only seemed to make it worse. A few times he had woken up at night had had the feeling that because of the pain not being able to breath in deeply, that he was chocking. It had really scared him and he hadn’t slept well those nights.

Kelly was right, he was feeling tired and he was in pain, but he had promised to Violet that he and Kelly would be at her dance recital today. Plus he was looking forward to it, a lot. The last few days had been hard enough because of all the pain, he just wanted to a good time.

Matt struggled as Kelly helped him get dressed. Usually he always wore the pressure garments, but he was hurting so bad today he couldn’t even get them on without crying. Getting changed into a pair of cargo shorts and a t-shirt, he felt horribly exposed.

Usually, now that Matt was trying to use his leg and only needed a hand getting up, but he barely got up now at all. Worried, Kelly grabbed him before he could fall and before Matt could object, he lifted Matt up and sat him down in the wheelchair.

Upset Matt carefully moved his hand on his lap.

‘’I really think it is not a good idea to go.’’ Kelly admitted as he moved the small oxygen tank to the back of the wheelchair.

‘’I’m fine.’’ Matt mumbled, although Kelly knew his friend was lying to him.

Making their way to the car, Kelly drove the small theatre where the recital was. They had picked up some flowers for Violet on the way and it looked like Matt was doing a bit better now that they were on their way. Kelly was really glad he was seeing his niece again today. Matt cared so much about her and she had been to see him in the hospital quite often as well.

They made their way inside the theatre and Matt felt a bit self-conscious with his burns out for the world to see. But it was the summer, and he knew if he would’ve put on something that would cover him more, he also had the risk over overheating.

‘’Mommy, look at that man.’’

A young boy, holding his mother’s hand, pointed at Matt. Looking away, he tried not to feel hurt by it, it was just a curious kid, but it did hurt him.

Kelly heard it as well, but had no clue what to say.

‘’Matt-‘’

‘’I’m fine.’’ Matt whispered. Some people were looking at him and as soon as he looked back at them they looked away. Putting his jacket over his hand and arm, he tried not to mind it. He just wanted to enjoy today, but he was feeling self-conscious because of all the stares.

The show begun and as much as Matt tried to enjoy it, his body started to ache more and more. He tried to keep quiet, but at the end of the show it was getting to much, and even Kelly noticed his painful face now.

‘’It is really bad.’’ Matt whispered. A bit worried, Kelly wanted to grab the medicine bag, but Matt shook his head.

‘’Not here.’’

Trying to smile his way through the show as Violet kept looking at them every now and then, they quickly left the auditorium when the recital was over. Making their way to a small corner as Christie went to see Violet, Kelly took out the medicine bag from the backpack of the wheelchair. People leaving kept looking at him and Matt looked down. The remarks and stares earlier had really hurt his soul and them looking at him only hurt him more now.

Kelly wanted to grab a vial of morphine but noticed the empty slot in the medicine bag.

‘’I forgot the syringes.’’

‘’Really Kelly?’’ Matt said upset.

‘’I am sorry, I really am.’’

‘’Means we got to go home.’’ Matt said miserable as he would not be able to have dinner with Christie, Violet and Kelly like they had talked about. They were supposed to go out for dinner at the pier. But even though Matt wanted to, he couldn’t. He could try to power through it, but the pain got so bad there was no way he could.

Christie and Violet came walking their way and Matt handed over the flowers.

‘’You did amazing.’’

‘’Thank you so much for coming.’’ She smiled. ‘’Are you still coming for dinner?’’

‘’I am really sorry but we are going to have to go.’’ Matt admitted. Violet looked really disappointed and it broke Matt’s heart.

‘’I am really sorry we can’t come with you to dinner.’’ Matt said, feeling horrible about it.

‘’it is okay.’’ She told him. Most people had already left, and Mat wanted nothing more than go home now – well, he preferred being out of pain and going out for dinner, but that was not an option now.

Saying their goodbyes, Kelly pushed the wheelchair to the car. He knew Matt was angry with him, maybe not so much about not packing the bag well enough, but since he was disappointed and angry at everything now. His friend didn’t even say anything as he helped him into the car. Driving home, Matt was staring out of the window, tears in his eyes.

‘’We can still meet them for dinner next week.’’

Matt didn’t respond and Kelly was quiet till they were home. His friend didn’t say anything as Kelly helped him back to bed and finally administered the morphine. Sitting down by the kitchen table to text the nurse and fill out the paperwork about the morphine, he had a hard time not getting mad with the unfairness of it all.

Filing it out in the binder for the nurse later, he looked as Matt had finally fallen asleep. Laying curled up in bed, he still had an uncomfortable expression on his face. Feeling horrible, Kelly just sat for a while.

He knew Matt was not blaming him for the incident and he always said he did not regret it one bit, but Kelly felt horrible about what his friend was going through.

As his friend woke up, he went to bring dinner to the room as Matt hadn’t eaten anything.

‘’I am really sorry about forgetting the syringes-‘’

‘’It is not that.’’

‘’Was it the boy-‘’

‘’Kelly, I am not hungry, and I really don’t want to talk.’’ Matt just said. 

‘’Alright.’’ Kelly took the food and left him be. The door still slightly open, he heard Matt sob softly. Worried he wanted to walk towards his friend, but as soon as he touched the door his friend stopped.

‘’Matt?’’

‘’just leave me alone.’’ Matt mumbled softly, but Kelly didn’t, walking into the room. Even though he always gave Matt his privacy when he wanted, he wanted to be there for his friend.

Matt looked up at him, tears on his cheeks.

‘’I really don’t want to talk.’’

‘’I am worried.’’ Kelly mumbled as he still stood in the doorway.

‘’I just feel so shit.’’ Matt admitted, sighing deep.

‘’Pain – your lung?’’ Kelly said concerned as he sat down on the edge of the bed.

‘’Kelly, please just leave me alone for a bit.’’ Matt mumbled. Not wanting to make it worse, Kelly did leave the room now and closed the door.

Sitting down on the bed, he hid his face in his hands, starting to sob as well. He knew that Matt did not blame him, but he couldn’t help but blame himself right now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading. I am a bit worried this chapter was not as good as the previous one, but I hope you still enjoyed it. There is tons more still coming up for this story, so I hope you are still interested! :)


	14. Birthday

**A few days later**

On the morning of his birthday, Matt woke up alone. His alarm had just gone off a few minutes before his nurse would arrive. Kelly had already gone to work and Matt was not looking forward to this day. It was his birthday, but he felt had nothing to celebrate. He had never really liked his birthday after his bad childhood, but this year was the worst of all.

Looking beside the bed, there was a wrapped gift and curious he took it. He knew it was form Kelly, but he had not expected to see him until tomorrow morning.

Opening the envelope that was taped to the top first, it was a birthday card with Kelly's sloppy handwriting, but he could make out that Kelly was taking him to the cabin for a weekend for fishing.

Smiling for a second, he opened the present then as well, finding some near gear for fishing. He wanted to grab his phone to thank his friend as the nurse came walking in.

''Happy birthday.'' She smiled as she handed him a small gift as well. He wanted to ask how she knew, but figured that either Kelly had texted her – or she just knew cause it was her job.

''Thank you.''

Unpacking him, it was a small bottle of aftershave.

''It's for sensitive skin, so should work for you.'' She smiled. Helping him get showered, the pressure garments on and getting dressed, Matt just wanted today to be over. He was grateful for Kelly and the nurse trying to be to thoughtful and cheer him up, but he was really in no mood. The night had been bad again, as well as the nights before. He would meet with a pain specialist soon, but he was worried it would not get better soon.

The nurse left soon after making him lunch – it took him a lot longer to get read - he wanted to watch the noon news, but suddenly Kelly came walking in.

''Happy birthday bud.'' Kelly said immediately as he walked in.

''Thanks – thanks for the gift, that is really thoughtful.'' Matt said.

''Glad you like it – also, I am going to grab your stuff.''

''Why?''

''Surprise, they arranged a party for you at the firehouse.''

Soon they made their way to the firehouse and Matt was so glad to see everybody, even though he was tired and was grateful they had arranged this for him.

Sitting across from Matt, Cruz was surprised by how much the man had changed since the BBQ. It had only been a few weeks, but his face as sunken and he looked tired. He was not the only one noticing it, Herrmann being concerned as well.

''Matt looks terrible.'' Cruz whispered softly to Otis.

Even though this should be a very happy day for him, he looked exhausted and sick. He had not slept well at last night and the pain had been very bad the last few days. Kelly was concerned about him. He had been slacking off on therapy. Kelly had tried to talk to him yesterday, ending in nothing and today he did not want to bring it up on his birthday.

''Thanks guys, it's amazing you arranged all of this.'' Matt smiled just a bit as he looked around at everybody. He was grateful that they all had come out to celebrate his birthday. Cindy had made a cake and Kelly and Herrmann were cutting it and handing everybody a piece.

Kelly handed his friend a bit and all of them sat around the table.

Hermann looked concerned as Matt was just moving the cake around his plate, not eating much. After unpacking the presents – he got more stuff from the cabin trip and thanked them all. Even though he wasn't feeling great, he was still grateful about all they had done for him.

Herrmann and Kelly got up to put the presents in Kelly's office. As they put the presents for Matt in Kelly's office, Christopher stopped Kelly.

''Is Matt okay?''

''No. No he is not.'' Kelly sighed.

''What is wrong?''

''I wish I knew, I really do.'' Kelly said sad as he slumped down on the bed. ''I think the extend of the injuries are setting in, or he is tired of the pain. Or both.''

''Is there anything we can do?''

''I wish, I don't even know what I can do.''

Herrmann felt so sorry for both the men. Matt for obvious reasons, but also Kelly trying to work as hard as possible to help him.

''He barely sleeps, he barely eats and he doesn't want to go to therapy anymore.'' Kelly admitted.

''Shit – he deserves better.'' Herrmann sighed.

''He does, and I wish I could do something.''

Sitting with his firehouse family for a while, Matt was starting to feel a bit better. Although he mentally started to feel better, the pain in his back and his hand was getting worse again. Kelly came with him as he had to go to the bathroom, giving him a hand. He felt so embarrassed now and in so much pain, he just wanted to go home. Even though the part was really nice, it was getting too much on him.

''Can you take me home?'' Matt asked.

''Everything okay?'' Kelly asked concerned.

''Just tired, didn't sleep well.'' Matt mumbled and Kelly looked at the dark circles under his eyes. It was pretty clear he wasn't lying. Helping his friend sit down in the wheelchair, Matt winced as Kelly touched his arm.

''Want me to come home with you?'' Kelly asked concerned.

''No, I am fine.'' Matt refused his help.

''You look ill.''

''I am not, I am just tired of you and everybody getting up in my business.'' Matt said angry.

''They are trying to help you, make you feel better – I mean, they were the ones that arranged this party for you.''

''Yeah, let's celebrate that I am thirty-three now and got another solid forty years of misery left.'' Matt mumbled angry.

''Matt-''

''Or you know what, maybe I will lucky and my one lung will end it before that.'' Matt said, out of breathe again.

''Please don't say that.'' Kelly said upset.

''I am so sick and tired of the pain. Please just bring me home now.'' Matt mumbled. Not wanting to make him more upset, he looked as Matt said thanks and goodbye to everybody before they made their way to the car.

Dropping Matt off at home, he offered to try and take the rest of the shift off, but Matt refused his help, said he just wanted to watch a movie after getting his painkillers. They had taken some of the cake that was leftover, and he hoped that matt would eat some of it. He'd also order pizza from the firehouse for him tonight. Even though Matt didn't know and hadn't asked for him, but he hoped it would at least get his friend to eat something.

Going back to the firehouse, he wished he had swapped his shifts so he did not have to work on Matt's birthday. Matt had said he didn't mind. But weeks ago he seemed to be doing a lot better. Now that it was getting bad with the pain, and he could see his friend withering away.

Around dinner time, he ordered the pizza for Matt, when Boden called him into his office.

''Something wrong chief?''

''Go home Kelly, it is fine. You should spend the evening with Matt.'' Boden told him. Even though he would've wanted to finish the shift, what Matt had said earlier didn't sit well with him. A bit worried, he drove home.

Walking into their apartment, he heard soft snoring from the couch, Matt laying on the couch, asleep. On the coffee table was a bottle of beer with only a few sips out of it, and a slice of the cake, untouched.

''Matt?''

''Hmm.'' Matt opened one eye just slightly, falling back asleep. A bit concerned, Kelly walked to the medication cabinet in his bathroom, counting the morphine patches and bottles, but it seemed he had not to have taken anything.

''Kel?''

Walking back to Matt, his friend was sitting up just slightly.

''Why are you home?''

''Figured we would still celebrate your birthday tonight.''

''I don't want to. Please help me to bed.'' Matt mumbled. He wanted to get up, but flinched as his leg touched the floor. Quicky Kelly swooped up his legs, carrying him to bed.

''Damnit Kelly!'' Matt said angry.

''Just want to bring you to bed.'' Kelly told him, not wanting him to be in pain from walking. Carefully Kelly put him on the bed. He was shocked by how light Matt was, in just the few weeks since his pain had been getting so bad.

''You checked my medication. I heard you.'' Matt said bitter as he looked away.

''I was worried after what you said at the firehouse.''

''I don't want to kill myself, I just want the pain the stop.'' Matt sighed tired. ''I want to be able to do something without getting out of breath.''

''So we go and talk to your doctor, see how we can make it better.'' Kelly tied to lift his spirits.

''They still won't put me on the donor list – and it won't make the burns go away.'' Matt said as he grabbed the supplemental oxygen, tired and out of breath. His chest was throbbing and he wasn't sure if it was the burns or of he had strained himself and it was his sole lung.

''So we get a second opinion with another doctor, even at another hospital if you want.''

Matt was silent for a second.

''Maybe.''

''Good.'' Kelly nodded, a bit mad with how stubborn his friend was.

''Gonna finish your birthday beer?''

''Can give it a try.'' Matt said as Kelly got up and his friend soon returned with the cake and beer from the coffee table, also a new bottle for himself.

''Cheers, to your birthday.''

''To my birthday-'' Matt said with a small smile. '' I am really looking forward to our weekend away.''

''Me too.'' Kelly smiled, hoping his friend would really look for another doctor, but also that things really would get better for him in this next year of his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really hope you are still interesting. It may all seem a bit bleak but there is some big storylines coming that will change a lot for the characters. Thank you so much for reading and please let me know what you thought.


	15. Panic Attack

Kelly woke up in the middle of the night, hearing some weird noises from Matt’s room. Curious he got up and walked to his room.

‘’Matt, Matt!’’ Kelly said as he walked into the bedroom, Matt laying in bed, his eyes still closed and breathing quick and shallow. Not responding, he realized his friend was still asleep.

‘’Come on wake up bud.’’ Kelly said as he shook his good shoulder, Matt’s eyes fluttering open.

‘’What is wrong?’’

‘’I - I – I don’t- ‘’ Breathing heavily, tears streaming down his face, Kelly sat down on the edge of the bed, helping Matt sit up a bit.

‘’Come on, take a few deep breaths.’’ Kelly said worried, Matt looking around disorientated.

‘’You are okay, really.’’ Kelly said, laying his hands on his shoulders as he looked at Matt. Tears were streaming down his cheeks as Matt tried to breathe. Even with the supplemental oxygen, he felt he was suffocating. Trying to focus on his breathing and his friend, he couldn’t sort himself out.

‘’Nightmare, felt like I couldn’t breathe – and – and my hand.’’ Matt cried and panted. Worried, Kelly got up and walked to the kitchen. 

Checking the binder he and the nurse shared, he saw he had already had painkillers last night.

‘’I can’t give you anything.’’

Matt didn’t reply, instead he laid on his side again, panting and rocking slightly.

‘’Matt?’’

The crying became a bit louder and Kelly had no idea what to do.

‘’Matt, I am calling an ambulance.’’ Kelly said as his friend was sobbing, still in the fetal position. Walking to the kitchen to call, he took the wheelchair back to help Matt sit up if he could. Even with the supplemental oxygen, he wasn’t getting enough air. As Matt was grasping for hair, Kelly pulled his friend upright, letting him lean against him. 

‘’Ambulance is on the way Matt.’’

‘’Help me sit up please?’’ Matt panted as Kelly lifted him off the bed, into the wheelchair. He put the small oxygen tank in his lap, moving to the living room. It was bit easier to breathe now that he was sitting up.

Sitting up in the chair, he was still sobbing. Cradling his hand with his other, Kelly wasn’t sure if there was anything he could do make his friend feel better.

There was a knock on the door and Kelly opened the door.

‘’Call another ambulance.’’ Matt heard from the front door.

‘’Please, just help me?’’ Matt begged as the pain was still getting worse. But as soon as Gabby came walking in her paramedic uniform, he didn’t want to go anymore.

‘’Go away.’’

‘’I am sorry, we were the closest uni–‘’

‘’Just take him to the hospital.’’ Kelly argued.

‘’Let me just take you to the hospital okay?’’ Gabby said worried as they wanted to put on the sleeve for his blood pressure.

‘’I would rather walk to the hospital.’’ He pushed her away.

‘’Matt-‘’ Kelly wanted to tell his friend to calm down so that

‘’No, I don’t want you looking after me.’’ He yelled at Gabby.

‘’Matt, they can help you with the pain before we drive to the ER.’’ Kelly tried to calm his friend down.

‘’Fine.’’ He finally said. The paramedic in charge and Kelly helped him onto the gurney, Gabby not wanting to upset him more by helping him. She was shocked as the extend of the scars was clear now, but did not say anything. They took him to the ambo.

‘’Had a panic attack about an hour ago because of the pain, was barely breathing, put him on supplemental oxygen but the pain wasn’t getting better. He only has one lung.’’ Kelly tried to explain the case to the other paramedic as quick as possible.

‘’Look, I get he doesn’t want to be treated by my partner, but she knows his case and I don’t. Your choice if you are going to explain it to me and delay him going to the hospital or you are going to tell him to suck it up.’’ The other paramedic said.

‘’Excuse me, she is his ex wif-‘’

‘’That is none of my business. Your choice.’’

‘’She doesn’t know his case either, Dawson, just drive quick okay.’’ Kelly finally said as he jumped in the back together with the paramedic in charge. Changing the nasal cannula for a full mask, Kelly looked as the paramedic injected him with something to calm him down.

Taking his hand, he looked as Matt was still crying because of the pain.

‘’What was the last pain medication you have given him?’’

‘’He a morphine shot last night at nine, administered by his nurse.’’

‘’Do you know if he is sensitive to Fentanyl?’’

‘’He had a really bad reaction to it four years ago, after a brain injury.’’ Dawson said from behind the wheel.

‘’Alright, then I am not going to administer it, but wait for the doctor to do it in the hospital.’’

Matt wanted to get angry and object, especially since it was because of Dawson he had to wait now. But the medication they had given to calm him down was kicking in, and he felt too tired to say anything. 

Finally arriving at the hospital, he walked with the gurney, Matt still pinching his hand. As the paramedic had given him something to calm down, he was slowly calming down a little bit and soon he was crying softly on the gurney, Kelly caressing over his hair. They were waiting for his primary physician to come in and see him.

‘’Won’t be long, he is just with another patient.’’ Kelly tried to calm his friend down. He was moved to a bed and the curtains were closed, Kelly looking as they undressed Matt, cooling him down with some ice packs as his temperature was too high, probably because of the pain. 

His primary physician finally came to see him and Kelly sat with him as Matt explained about the panic attack, as well as the pain in his hand and chest.

As he got the medication administered, he looked as Matt was falling into a slumber, finally.

Looking as Matt was asleep on the bed, Kelly went to grab some coffee. Glad that Casey was finally asleep and no longer in pain, he hoped that with the new medication a panic attack wouldn’t happen again.

‘’I know he won’t want to see me so I didn’t come to his room, but how is he?’’

Behind him, Dawson came walking towards him, changed out of her uniform now.

‘’Better, they gave him painkillers and he fell asleep. It’s the first time he had an anxiety attack like this, we will need to look into it, plus he will be on medication for that as well.’’

‘’Good.’’ Dawson just said with a small nod. ‘’Next time just make sure when you call an ambo we don’t get called – Ambo 27. I don’t want to hurt him like this.’’

‘’Gabby – you clearly came here just the check on him, you know you two are not getting back together right?’’

‘’I know, but that doesn’t mean I don’t care about a person that has been in the center of my life for so many years. It was hard to see him like that.’’ Dawson admitted. ‘’Alright, well, don’t let him know I came, I’ll see you when I see you, Kelly.’’

‘’Yeah, bye.’’ Kelly nodded. Looking as she walked off, he wished that she had shown this much care when they had been still together.

As he walked back to the room, Matt was awake.

‘’How are you feeling?’’ Kelly asked concerned as he sat down by Matt’s bedside.

‘’Terrible.’’ Matt admitted. His chest was hurting still and even now he felt he could hardly breathe. ‘’But at least I am not in my pajamas.’’

‘’No you are almost buck-naked, not sure which is better.’’ Kelly mocked his friend, Matt just getting a small smile on his face.

‘’Kel – what happened?’’ Matt asked then, wanting to pull the mask down but Kelly pushed it back up.

‘’You had a panic attack – so ehm, they are going to get you medication for that…and the doctor said you need to see a therapist.’’

‘’No.’’ Matt just said, stubborn.

‘’Matt!’’

‘’No.’’ Matt mumbled from under the mask. ‘’I am fine.’’

Infuriated, Kelly groaned.

‘’We are all trying to help you.’’

‘’I know. I just – can you please leave?’’ Matt mumbled.

‘’Fine, I’ll be back tomorrow.’’ Kelly said so upset with him. Matt’s behavior made him feel so angry. All they wanted was to make stuff better for him, but at this point he felt so helpless, not sure what to do anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading and please let me know what you thought.


	16. Away from Home

Looking aside at his friend, Kelly was pretty sure that he was looking worse every day.

His face looked weary. Kelly knew he had not been doing great the last few days and he had thought about cancelling their trip here, but he hoped that getting out of the city would finally put his head in a better space. He had spend another night in the hospital after the panic attack as the doctors had tried to find something to help with the pain. Besides that, they would soon look if they could so something about his hand and arm, as it was the cause of a lot of his pain.

''It will be get to really get out of the city – hectic life, just relax.'' Kelly said, hoping that he was right and that it would help Matt as well.

Driving onto the driveway of the cabin that he had rented by a lake – a bit more luxury than his dads – he parked and looked as Matt looked around.

''It is nice.'' Matt said with a small smile. They had been up early this morning, but the large dark circles under his eyes proved he hadn't slept at all last night.

Getting out of the car, Kelly looked as Matt did the same and carefully walked to the lake. The drive had been tough for Matt. Even with his own pillow, it had been a very long drive and his back and ass were hurting. They had stopped along the way so Matt could get out of the car and stretch his leg, but it still hurt now. Struggling in the sand, Matt walked back up the cabin, slumping down on the small bench on the porch.

''You okay.''

''Fine.'' Matt mumbled as Kelly was taking their stuff inside.

Kelly wasn't sure what was going on in his friend's head. The last few days he had been silent and reserved since returning from the hospital a few days ago. The doctors had gotten him on other painkillers, but even though Matt didn't say it, Kelly knew he was in pain.

Kelly had not dared to bring up the panic attack, or that he needed to see a therapist according to his doctor. He hoped that he would be able to bring it up these days.

Cleaning their stuff away, he looked as Matt walked to his bedroom.

''What do you want to do today?'' Kelly asked before he would disappear into his room. ''We can go shopping later and have a nice BBQ tonight.''

'''Sure.'' Matt just mumbled. He had not wanted to go to this cabin at all. His pain was bad enough at home, but Kelly kept telling it was good for him. The last few days he had not been able to do much. The pain in his back and leg had been really bad, and the new medication made him feel even more tired. Although he was tired, he had barely slept. He'd wake in the middle of the night with the feeling he wasn't getting enough air. Even though he did not let Kelly know that, it was keeping him awake.

''You go shopping, I am going to take a nap.''

''Alright.'' Kelly just sighed, not wanting to put up a fight with Matt again. Helping his friend pull the new oxygen mask over his face, he looked as Matt tried to fall asleep, going to the supermarket then. He knew Matt had had a horrible night again and that was mostly to blame for his terrible mood.

Returning with their groceries, he looked as Matt was sitting on the edge of the bed, panting.

''You okay.''

''Pain.'' Matt mumbled, gritting his teeth as he grabbed his side.

''We are getting you that second opinion soon, I promise.'' Kelly said and Matt just nodded a bit. Helping him get dressed and into the wheelchair then, they sat outside by the BBQ. Matt decided when they were on the porch that he wanted to sit next to Kelly on the bench and Kelly was worried it would only hurt him more, but Matt insisted. The painkillers were slowly doing their job but he was not feeling hungry. Kelly tried to talk him into eating, but Matt shook his head.

Sitting on the porch with a beer, Kelly looked at his friend in the dim light of the lanterns lighting up the path and the moon.

''It is nice to be out there.'' Matt finally sighed. Finally the thoughts had stopped racing in his head. Even though the pain was not any less, or he didn't feel much better, it was nice to be away from home where he was only busy with going to therapy, spending time in pain and having to be helped his nurse.

''I think it was very needed.'' Kelly admitted.

''Why?'' Matt asked, tired of people deciding what was best for him.

''Matt, I am so worried about you.'' Kelly finally admitted. ''I am so worried about you! You can't even imagine.''

Surprised Matt looked at him and noticed there were tears in his eyes.

''What?''

''It is so hard to see you like this. I can't look at you being in pain, not sleeping, not eating. I feel so helpless.''

''Kelly, that is not your fault-'' the last thing Matt wanted was for his friend to feel bad.

''But it is, you stepped in to save me and I see you withering away.'' Kelly said, his voice breaking.

''I just have a lot on my mind.'' Matt said as he took a sip of the beer, afraid he couldn't keep his emotions in.

''I know, but I just want to help you and I don't know how.'' Kelly admitted.

''I know I need to do better, I just feel so tired and the constant pain-'' Matt sighed as tears were forming in his eyes as well.

''It will get better. The doctors are trying to so hard, but you need to keep trying as well.'' Kelly told his friend.

''I know, it is has been hard. I wouldn't know what to do without you.'' Matt admitted now as well, a tear streaming down his cheek.

''Don't start crying now too.'' Kelly laughed as he was drying his tears.

''I am sorry.'' Matt's lip started to shake and Kelly pulled his friend against him.

''You are the best friend anybody could wish for.'' Matt was crying now as well as he laid against Kelly's shoulder. His friend had his arms around him and both of them were still crying.

''I am so grateful to have you.'' Matt sobbed.

''I am grateful to have you too, but I just want to help you – and I don't know how.'' Kelly said as he still had his arms around his friend.

''You are doing fine. I just – the pain has been really bad, and it has been hard to stay positive.'' Matt admitted.

''You have been so strong, I know it is hard, but I know you can do this.'' Kelly tried to comfort his friend.

''You are right. I am sorry I made you feel so bad.'' Matt said as he sat up again.

''It will all be fine, right?'' Kelly said concerned.

''It will.'' Matt promised. Sitting against each other, they stared up at the stars and the moon.

''Let's go inside.'' Kelly said as he was starting to feel cold.

''Can you just help me up? I can't get up.'' Matt admitted.

Lifting up his friend, he helped him back on his feet and they walked inside together. Inside Kelly helped him take care of scars and with the medication. Sitting down on the couch together with a last beer, Kelly felt so relieved they had talked about this.

''Fishing tomorrow?''

''Definitely.'' Kelly promised him. Even though he knew Matt's problems would not just go away in a day, he hoped that it would be a step in the good direction. Helping his friend back to bed, He looked as Matt finally fell asleep, hoping he would sleep a bit better. He wanted to do some things tomorrow to cheer his friend up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading this chapter.   
> I am going on holiday for a few days, I might be able to get a chapter out tomorrow of another story but I am not sure of that. I hope you enjoyed this story. Thank you so much again and till tomorrow, or after my holiday! :)


	17. The Cabin

They spend most of their two days out on the lake. Kelly caught Matt smiling a few times, and he knew that this weekend was one of the best things they could have done. Even though he wasn't fishing much, he enjoyed watching Kelly and mostly joking about Kelly doing stuff wrong.

On the second day, Matt was enjoying the sun – Kelly keeping an eye on him cause he was worried about his skin – when he finally admitted something that had been on his mind since his talk with Kelly two nights ago.

''When uh – when we are back in Chicago, I will go and find a therapist.'' Matt admitted, fumbling around with the bottle of coke he was holding.

''Really – that is good.'' Kelly said, at first surprised but really glad that his friend was finally going to look for a therapist.

''I ehm – I guess it could help.''

''I think it will, Matt. It is not nothing that has happened to you, your whole life changed. I think it is good to talk about it with somebody.''

''Yeah.'' Matt said, not wanting to talk about it anymore, and Kelly knew he had to let it go.

After fishing, they decided to go into town to get dinner as they had seen a restaurant at the same lake the cabin was. After their conversation of last night, Kelly hoped that Matt would finally eat a proper meal tonight.

''Want to take your chair?''

''Might be better, if you don't want to go home earlier because of my toasted ass.''

Kelly chuckled.

''Can just take the pillow, don't have to take the whole chair.''

''True.'' Matt said, even though he felt a bit embarrassed he needed it all. Soon he settled for taking his cane and the pillow. Even though it was only a short walk, his leg was hurting and he wanted tonight to be nice. Kelly drove them to the restaurant they had seen on the way to the cabin.

They walked to a table at the waterside, Kelly carrying his pillow and helping Matt sit down, putting the cane away. Matt had felt so worried about this before, but now it was fine. They ordered some wine and got the menus then.

''Kelly, this is really expensive.'' Matt said worried as he looked at the menu.

''No worries, I am paying.'' Kelly assured him. ''We gotta live a little.''

''True.'' Matt said with a small smile.

They enjoyed their dinners and Kelly was so glad to finally see Matt eat. He even seemed very cheerful, even more so than earlier on the boat. Even though he still knew his friend had a long way to go, and no all his problems were suddenly fixed, he was glad that things finally seemed to look up just a bit more.

Back at the cabin, Kelly had another beer as Matt was being careful because of all his medication. He really appreciated that Kelly had been trying so hard for him to have a good day – and honestly, it really had been. Even though his leg was sore and his chest was throbbing, he didn't feel too bad.

Soon Kelly helped him to bed and after having another beer, looking over the lake, he went to bed as well.

Waking up, he heard Matt groan again. Walking into the room, Matt seemed to be having a panic attack again, but luckily he seemed to shake it off a lot quicker now than before.

''Matt, Matt!'' Kelly said as he tried to calm his friend down. His arms wrapped around him, Matt finally calmed down a bit.

''Just take a breath, please call down.'' Kelly said softly. Finally Matt took a few deep breaths, trying to calm down. Tears were on his face, his chest throbbing again. Couching, Kelly pulled him up. Finally Matt seemed to wake up and realize that he could breathe, and it was just the pain.

Kelly let go of him, Matt laying back, panting.

''You okay?''

''I am now.'' Matt whispered.

''Want to go outside to get some air.''

''Yes, please.'' Matt sighed as that usually made him feel a bit better. Laying his good arm around neck, Kelly lifted him up. Helping him in his chair, he took the oxygen tank and put it on the back of the wheelchair. Putting a blanket over his friend, he took him outside.

''I am so sorry Matt.''

''It's fine.'' Matt panted, tired and in pain, but glad the panic attack was over. Kelly brought him a cup of tea and they looked over the lake.

''It was good to come here, feel a lot better, got a lot from my mind.'' Matt sighed. ''Even texted Gabby yesterday.''

''Did you?'' Kelly groaned. Even though it was Matt's own decision, he did not want his friend to be hurt again. But luckily he was pretty sure Matt was not interested in anything else than setting the record straight with Gabby.

''I texted her yesterday to apologize to her about how I acted when her ambulance came to pick me up.'' Matt admitted, taking a sip of tea.

''You didn't need to do that. But that is good.'' Kelly admitted, thinking it was good for him to close things off with everything on his mind.

''Well, it was weeks ago, but I don't want to look back in anger at our marriage, and I don't want her to be angry with me either. We won't be okay again, but it is nice to leave stuff behind in a good way.'' Matt said.

Soon the sun started to rise. Looking as the rays hit over the water, even Matt started to get a feeling that things might still get better. Even though he knew he wouldn't get his lung back, and the pain wouldn't just go away, he was hopeful that the second opinion would maybe change something. Kelly caught him yawning and they went back to bed for a few more hours after the sunrise.

After breakfast, Kelly put everything back in the car and they got ready to drive back to Chicago. They wished they could've stayed longer, but Matt had to go back to therapy, and Kelly back to work.

In the car back, Kelly looked concerned as Matt kept coughing.

''Just feeling a bit under the weather, but I feel fine, really.'' Matt assured him. He hadn't slept well and it had been tiring weekend. He was sure he would feel a lot better having a good night's sleep in his own bed. He even slept most of the way in the car and very soon they were back at their apartment in Chicago. Kelly texted Matt's nurse as they got home because Matt seemed get more and more ill. As it was just couching, Kelly kept telling himself it was just a cold, and he didn't want to freak Matt out, or make Matt angry. Especially not since the weekend had been so good.

Kelly set out to get some groceries to stock the fridge again now that they were back from their holiday. Matt told him he was going to take a nap, still not feeling great. Kelly hoped the nurse could shine some light on why Matt coming down with something. Hopefully it was nothing too serious. Kelly knew it was probably too blame on the bad food and all the beer they had had the last few days.

Picking up the groceries for steak, baby potatoes and a salad, he drove back home. Parking his car next to the street, he suddenly noticed the ambulance parked in front of the building. Dropping most of the groceries, he jumped out of the car.

Walking towards it, he was just in time to see Matt loaded up on the gurney before the doors closed.


	18. Infection

Running into the ER, Kelly looked around for Matt. He had tried to reach the ambulance, but they had driven away as soon as he had realized it had been Matt. Wanting to barge through the ER bays, a nurse stopped him.

''Sir, you need to wait in the wait-''

''I am looking for my friend, Matt Casey – 34 – burns – he was just brought in.'' Kelly was panicking, not even listening to what the nurse was saying as he was being pushed back. He felt so scared about his friend, that he felt tears filling his eyes.

''Sir – calm down please.'' She told him and pushed Kelly back a bit to the desk, as the family sitting in the nearby bay looked up at him, startled.

''Please, he is my best friend – he needs to be okay.'' Kelly said panicking.

''He was brought in a few minutes ago, he just got taken for a scan of his chest, as he has trouble breathing. I will get you when he is back here or in a private room, okay?'' She asked compassionate and Kelly nodded. Sitting down, he looked through the waiting area, nervous.

About half an hour later, the nurse came indeed to take him the private room Matt had been brought too. He was hooked to multiple IV's now and his face was mostly hidden under a breathing mask.

Sitting by Matt's bedside, Matt was not aware what was happening around him. He seemed just barely aware he was alive and only looking at Kelly as Kelly took his hand.

''You better not give me a scare like that again.''

''Mmm.'' Matt just mumbled, his eyes falling shit for second. The door to the room opened, and Matt's primary physician came walking in, the one that had been looking after him since that fateful call.

''Mr Casey?'' He asked, but Matt was completely out of it.

''You can talk to me, I will make sure he knows what is going on.'' Kelly said and he and the doctor walked onto the hallway.

''We made a scan of his chest and it shows that he has an infection in his lung.'' The doctor said as he looked at Matt through the window.

''Can you-''

''We put him on antibiotics, but since he only has one lung it will be touch and go to see if he can fight it. I am really sorry I can't be more positive.'' He said as he let the news sink in for a second. The doctors explained some more about the medication, as well as about their fear of Matt going into respiratory failure.

The sun was rising again hours later when Matt finally opened his eyes.

''Hey, you are going to be okay.'' Kelly told him, even though that was not sure, the last thing he wanted was to worry Matt.

''Just – chest hurt – couldn't breathe.'' Matt mumbled softly, Kelly having to move closer to hear him.

''You are going to be fine.'' Kelly promised him, but even though he wanted to believe it, he also knew Matt might not come back from this.

* * *

 

Spending day and night by his friend's bedside, he got scared every time Matt coughed. The doctor kept warning him Matt could go into respiratory failure, and he knew that it could easily be done for his friend then.

Every now and then, Matt had a lucid moment, usually just for a few minutes before falling back into the hazy antibiotics and painkiller fueled sleep.

Once he had asked Kelly if they could please go home, but before Kelly could say anything, Matt was fast asleep again.

During the third night, they had a big scare as Matt had not been able to breathe. It had taken the medical team over half an hour to stabilize him, and they had even talked about intubating him. Luckily they had been able to stabilize Matt soon enough.

The days went by slowly. Bags of fluid antibiotics kept being brought in, all in the hopes that Matt could fight the infection. The scans showed that his lung was clearing, but he was far from out of the woods.

Kelly felt stupid for going out to the cabin now, as it was most likely where Matt had fallen sick.

After almost a week, the x-rays finally showed up clear, and it looked like the worst was behind him. Matt still didn't seem to be aware what was going on, but Kelly knew that they were far from in the clear. Matt was weak and could still barely breathe. His one lung was working overtime, and Kelly knew there was still a chance that his lung would give in.

Matt was a bit more aware of his surroundings now, and even though he slept most of the day, he had even told Kelly he was going to be fine. Which Kelly had confirmed. It looked like the worst was behind them, but even a few days after his lungs were clear, he was not recovering at all and they took him for another scan.

Nervous, Kelly waited for the results. As Matt was vast asleep again, he waited on the hallway for the doctor to come with the results.

He was worried that if the doctor saw that Matt was asleep, they would have to wait even longer for the results.

He jumped up from the bench on the hallway as soon as the doctor came walking towards the room.

''Is the infection gone?'' Kelly asked, too nervous to worry about formalities.

''It is, but I am afraid I don't have good news.'' The doctor admitted.

''What is it?'' Kelly asked scared, looking at his friend through the glass window by his room.

''His sole lung has been damaged by the infection. We have put him on the donor list, but he needs to get a transplant soon, or he won't make it.'' The doctor said, feeling sorry for the man, but he knew he had to be direct.

''Do you think he can make it through the transplant?'' Kelly said concerned, as his friend was in bad shape.

''We wouldn't put him on the list if it won't be viable. It will be a tough recovery for him but if we don't do it-''

''He dies.'' Kelly finished his sentence, a pit in his stomach, thinking about his how close he was to losing his friend now.

''Is it okay if I tell him?'' He asked then, feeling a bit better if he could tell his friend about this.

''Yes, he needs to sign the papers to be put on the list, and for the transplant.'' The doctor handed him some papers and Kelly headed back to Matt's room. Matt was asleep again, unaware of his friend walking in. Sitting down his bedside, Kelly read through the papers. He was aware that it would be a dangerous surgery for Matt, but it was the only option.

''Kel-'' Matt suddenly mumbled, softly.

''Hey bud, 'bout time you joined us at a decent hour.'' Kelly joked, Matt smiling just a bit. His eyes were falling shut again, Kelly pinching his hand.

''Matt – just listen please.'' Kelly said, his friend nodding slightly.

''I just spoke to your doctor. You had an infection in your chest, which is cleared now - you haven't be able to fight off the infection without your remaining lung being damaged. You could still go into respiratory failure. The doctor put you on the transplant list for a new lung.'' Kelly said slowly, making sure Matt was following him.

''They need to find you a new lung in a few days or-''Kelly continued.

''I die.'' Matt said softly from under the mask.

''You need to sign off for the transplant.'' Kelly said, not wanting to confirm he was dying.

''I'm not sure-'' Matt said softly.

''Why not, you can't just give up and die.'' Kelly said concerned.

''Big surgery, more pain.'' Matt mumbled.

''Matt-''

''Tired of the pain. No more pain.'' He mumbled as he was dozing off. Upset, Kelly looked at the forms on the nightstand. He hoped that after Matt had slept, they could talk about it again. He really needed Matt to be okay. He wasn't ready to say goodbye to his friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this was not a positive chapter! I hope you will still keep reading though, as there is some more stuff coming up! Thank you so much for reading and hopefulyl still till next chapter!


	19. Goodbyes

Kelly was so angry about Matt not wanting the transplant, but knew there was nothing he could do about it. The only thing he could do was try and made his last days as comfortable as possible.

Casey was out of it for most of the time because of all the painkillers and medication. Every now and then his mind seemed to clear up and he talked to Kelly a bit. Kelly stayed by his side every waking hour, and soon a bed was set up for him here as well so he could stay by Casey's side. The first day after Matt saying he didn't want the transplant, he had tried to change his mind, but Matt was not listening to him. Instead he had stopped Kelly about talking about the TV show that was on tv, as if he really still cared while he had no chance of ever seeing the ending of the show.

Before Kelly could make his point though, Matt had fallen asleep again.

Kelly was no longer sitting alone in his room. Most of the day, people came in, only for short visits as Matt wasn't able to stay awake for much longer than ten minutes at the time, but even though they didn't explicitly say it, all of them knew they were saying their goodbyes. Kelly had noticed some of them were wiping away tears as they left his room.

Three days after the news he needed the transplant, Christie and Violet came by. Neither of the three Casey's really knew what to say to each other. Christie tried to entertain him with some light chatter, Violet even more upset, almost crying before Christie announced it would be good if they would leave soon, Matt almost falling asleep again anyway.

''We will be back Thursday.'' Christie promised, kissing him on his cheek and Violet hugging him tight.

''Yeah, see you then.'' Matt said, but it was clear from his voice he didn't believe he would see them again. But he didn't want Violet and Christie to really have to see him die, so he had said he only wanted Kelly there.

Kelly got up to refill the drinking jug.

''Kelly?''

''Yeah?'' Kelly stopped, looking back at Matt.

''I ehm – I don't have much money after the divorce, but I want you to sell my house and put the money away somewhere so Violet can use it when she goes to college. She is probably the brightest of us Casey bunch.'' Matt said with a wry smile.

''Matt-''

''Please.''

''Alright, if that is what you want I will take care of it.'' Kelly promised him. ''Besides, pretty sure the whole Casey bunch is smarter than me period.''

Matt smiled for a second, wanting to laugh but his chest was hurting too much.

''You know, will be a shame I will never see her graduate.'' Casey wallowed as he looked out of the window then, the smile sliding of his face.

''Matt, you can still sign the papers, it is not too late.'' Kelly tried to talk some sense into his head -although he got were Matt was coming from. He was just not ready at all to say goodbye to his friend.

''I know but even with one new lung, my life will still be miserable – and the burns will still be bad.'' Matt mumbled, dozing off again.

 

* * *

 

Kelly had fallen asleep in the chair beside his bed after a rough night for Matt, neither of them having slept much. He woke up as chaplain Orlovsky came walking into the room. Jumping up he went to grab a chair for the chaplain.

''Mind if I pray for Matt?''

''It ehm, it is not really my thing, but I like the sentiment. He will really appreciate it.'' Kelly said, sitting down beside Orlovsky.

''How are you holding up? Must not be ready to let him go yet.''

''I don't think I'll ever be ready – but in the end it is his decision, and I can just be his friend and be here for him I guess.'' Kelly said.

''Do you need any help with anything?'' Orlovsky asked concerned, worried that Kelly was not only overtaken by sadness and early grief, but also that he had to take care of so much, hoping that there was something he and the CFD could help with.

''No. I want to take care of things he asked me myself.''

''Kelly, you can't do this all on your home, I and all the others of the CFD are here for you.''

''Thanks, but no.'' Kelly said determined. Even though he knew he could use the help, he wanted to take care of everything Matt asked for himself. It felt the last things he could really do for him.

After praying a while longer and Kelly leaving the room to get some food, he returned, Orlovsky gone now. He ate by Matt's bedside, looking as Matt was still asleep. After a while, he did wake up. They watched the news together, Kelly trying to keep the tone light, but Matt seemed a bit emotional now.

''Can you come here for a second?'' Matt asked and Kelly did so, sitting down on the edge of his bed after lowering the railing on the side, Matt taking his hand.

''Thank you for your friendship.'' Matt said, tears welling up Kelly's eyes.

''Matt-''

''Thank you so much Kelly.''

''You are not planning on kicking the bucket just yet, are you?'' Kelly tried to keep the tone light, but nothing about this situation was light.

''No, but I don't think I can keep going on much longer.'' Matt admitted.

''Thank you for your friendship too.'' Kelly said. He wanted to yell at Matt, tell him to sign the damn consent forms, to take the damn transplant, but knew that his friend deserved the respect for his decision.

Even though he wanted to do everything to stop it.

''Can I do anything for you?''

''No, no, just thank you for being here with me these days, and all you did the part year…and all you did for me all your life.''

''Ofcourse, that is what friends are for.'' Kelly said, even though he said it lightly, his chest felt tight as he tried to keep the tears from streaming down his face, emotional because of Matt thanking him and also knowing that they were getting closer to the end.

The next morning his situation worsened and soon Kelly was with him every single minute of every day, worried for what was to come. Kelly knew that as soon as he took another turn for the worst, he could easily be done for. He had signed a DNR and his nasal canula was soon swapped for a full breathing mask, his lung well on its way of giving in.

''You had to sign a DNR instead of the transplant papers, huh?'' Kelly grumbled a bit as he was tucking Matt in after the nurses had washed and changed him.

Matt didn't reply, either because he didn't want to or he was out of it again because of the painkillers. The latter was more likely.

Suddenly, his primary physician came walking in, asking Kelly to leave the room. Startled, not sure what was happening, Kelly did so, looking as the doctor was trying to wake Matt up, but Matt was hardly responsive. Kelly wanted to walk back into the room, but the doctor already walked out, Kelly's way.

''What's happening?''

''There is a set of lungs available for him. Since he is not going to be lucid enough in time to sign consent, we need you to sign.''

''Two?! But that is not my choice to make.'' Kelly said, looking at his friend. Thinking back about what his friend had said, he was not sure if he should sign it.

''We have two lungs available from the same person. They are a great match, and Matt is on top of the list for our hospital district right now. It is your choice if he gets these lungs or if it is going to somebody else. You are his medical proxy.'' The doctor told him. His hands were shaking, holding the papers.

''He has a good chance to make through the surgery?'' Kelly said concerned.

''He is as strong as he is going to be. If it wouldn't be viable we wouldn't do it.'' The doctor said. ''I am sorry I am so strict with you, but we either need to take him into surgery soon or get those lungs transported somewhere else.''

''I am not sure if he wants –'' Kelly mumbled, trailing off then. Casey was not so sure about the surgery before, but he was sure he could not live without his friend. Signing it, he handed over the papers.

''I am so sorry.'' He mumbled softly, looking at his friend through the window.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am not sure if you hate or love me after this chapter, but that is fine hehe! I sure hate myself for writing this chapter, it was a hard one! I hope you still liked it because of the ending. Will have to see how it goes now, and if he makes it, what it means for their friendship! Thank you so much for reading, please let me know what you thought of it and hopefully till next chapter!


	20. Hope

Waking up the following day on a bench in the waiting room by the ICU, Kelly got up and walked to the desk again. Yesterday evening, after the 12 hour surgery, he had not been allowed to see Matt. He had been really unstable after the surgery, but Kelly assumed that the fact he had not heard anything was a good sign.

‘’Can I get an update on Matthew Casey – or see him?’’ He enquired at the desk. She nodded, telling him a nurse would be here soon to take him to Matt. Sitting down again, he tried to get a grasp on the rollercoaster that had been the past 24 hours.

First he and Matt had exchanged their goodbyes. Matt had taken a turn for the worst. Then the doctor had suddenly come with the files and suddenly Matt had been taking into surgery.

A nurse came walking his way and he walked along. Glad he would finally see Matt.

‘’He is in a clean room because they are worried about infection. He is stable now. We have him on a ventilator just until the new lungs start doing their job. But it is normal for it to take a few days. Especially in his state, it might take even longer. There is no sign of rejection though.’’ The nurse brought him up to speed. By the room, he got a gown to cover his clothes and a facial mask to bring the risk for infection down.

He let into the room then and he walked to the bed, sitting down and taking Matts hand, as he had done all these times before.

He was not sure what Matt would say when he woke up. Maybe he would be so mad when he woke up. But Kelly was just so grateful to still have his friend.

 

* * *

 

It took almost a week for Matt to be lucid enough to even realize he was awake. Blinking, the white shape beside his bed started to take the shape of Kelly sitting by his bedside, a white gown over his clothes and wearing a white mask.

‘’Lung?’’ was the first distinguished sound he managed to make.

 ‘’You have two now again  – two good ones actually.’’ Kelly told him.

‘’Wha-‘’

‘’Shh, don’t speak.’’ Kelly warned him. His chest was hurting, worse than it ever had before.

‘’You had a double lung transplant eight days ago. Everything went well and there is no sign of rejection. Matt, I am really sorry for signing the form – I just needed you to live.’’ Kelly said with tears in his eyes.

Looking at his friend, he was glad that he looked a bit better now than he did when he had seen him after the surgery. Some color was returning to his face and he looked a bit better overall. His arm and leg were still in compression sleeves, as they were worried about his blood circulation to his affected arm and leg.

‘’I am really sorry Matt.’’ Kelly said again, worried as his friend was not saying anything.

Matt wanted to get mad, yell at him for doing this against his consent, but it was hard to even keep his eyes open.

‘’Doctor said you are going to make a full recovery. They really tried their hardest, you weren’t allowed to go on the list but they fought so hard to get you on that list. It is going to be so much better Matt.’’

‘’G-go.’’ Matt finally mumbled. Hurt Kelly looked at him.

‘’Matt- I am sorry bu-‘’

‘’G-go.’’

 

* * *

 

Kelly gave Matt a few days to hopefully forgive him. He called the hospital staff every night to check on him, and he was glad to hear Matt was recovering well.

Only after five days, he dared to go to the hospital to see his friend. He knew his friend had the right to be so angry with him, but hoped he would be forgiven. He walked into the ICU but was directed to the transplant unit instead. Matt had been doing so well he had already been moved to general care.

‘’Hey.’’ Kelly said nervous as he walked in. Matt was sitting up on the bed with some pillows in his back. He was still covered with wires and IVs, but looking a lot better than the last time Kelly had seen him. Violet was sitting at the foot of his bed, playing cards with him.

Matt looked up at him.

‘’Hey.’’ He finally mumbled.

‘’Hey Violet.’’

‘’Hey Kelly.’’ Matt’s niece smiled at him.

‘’Can you come back tonight Kelly? I have a visitor.’’ Matt said cold as he looked away from Kelly.

‘’Sure.’’ Kelly said, turning around and leaving the room again.

‘’You and Kelly having a fight?’’

‘’No.’’ Matt lied to Violet. Although it wasn’t a full lie, they had not talked since Matt had send him away. Matt was angry with him for signing on for the surgery without his consent. Even though he was grateful for the extended time, it felt like a betrayal.

‘’Mom said you were dying.’’ Violet said with tears in her eyes.

‘’I was.’’ Matt admitted. ‘’But I am getting better now.’’

‘’I was scared you wouldn’t come to my high school graduation in three weeks.’’ Violet started to cry.

‘’Oh Violet, ofcourse I will be there. I am going to get better.’’ He promised, laying his arm around her. He wanted to hug her, but because of the surgical scar and the drains he couldn’t.

‘’I don’t want you to die.’’ She sobbed and Matt started to cry now as well, pulling his niece against him as much as his body allowed him to. Kissing his niece on top of her head, his anger with Kelly seemed to switch to something that was closer to relief, that he had more time with the people he loved.

Kelly did come back later that night. Just after dinner time, he walked in, Matt struggling to finish his dinner. He had only been put on solids yesterday, although the soft cooked meat and mashed potatoes wasn’t much solid food.

‘’Please come here.’’ Matt said as Kelly came walking into his room and Kelly sat down on the edge of the bed, careful not to sit down on Matt’s burned leg. Immediately, Matt threw his arms around Kelly, pulling him into a tight hug.

‘’Woah, woah careful Matt.’’ Kelly said concerned as he was scared Matt would hurt the wounds or the drains in and coming from chest.

‘’I am so sorry I was so angry with you.’’ Matt cried with his face in Kelly’s neck.

‘’You had the right to be.’’ Kelly said as he caressed over Matt’s back, carefully.

‘’No I didn’t, you just saved me.’’ Matt sobbed, his voice choking as he was running out of breath and concerned Kelly laid him back against the pillows and Matt dried his tears with a smile.

‘’Matt, you have the right to angry with me, really. I signed those forms knowing damn well you did not want the transplantation done, but I still did it.’’ Kelly told him again.

‘’I know and I was at peace with dying…but knowing I get to spend more time with you, Violet…the guys at the firehouse.’’ Matt said, trailing off a bit. ‘’You made the right choice Kelly. I might not be there for Violet’s college graduation in the future – but at least I’ll be here for the high school graduation.’’

Letting those words sink in, Kelly was reminded by the words of the doctor that he still probably wouldn’t live to a super old age, but at least this gave him a better quality of life, and a fighting chance.

‘’Everything will get better…I mean the burns – they won’t go away, but it will be better.’’ Kelly promised him. Matt nodded just a bit, as he knew that as well.

‘’I know.’’ Matt smiled just a bit. Kelly saw he was getting tired, and their conversation was taxing him.

‘’When are you getting out of here?’’

‘’Two weeks probably.’’ Matt smiled, feeling hopeful for the first time in almost a year.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As promised, my second update of the day! As I said in the other chapter, I have barely updated this week, hence I wanted to do two updates tonight. Besides that I am also brewing up a new story, and this one is nearing its ending. I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Please let me know what you thought and hopefully till next chapter!


	21. Graduation

Kelly pushed the wheelchair towards the high school. Even though Matt had been walking, he was tired now after the long day. Even though he was a bit tired, he was just so glad to be here today at Violet’s graduation. He was in nowhere recovered from the big surgery, but he was cleared to leave the hospital for a day. He knew he wouldn’t last long, still tired from the surgery and sick from the ani-rejection drugs. But today he was not thinking about that. All he wanted to do today was enjoying the day with his family.

Weeks ago he had been on his deathbed, but now he had a future in front of him again. He knew all his problems were not magically solved, as he still had the burns. But it was getting better now that he would be able to breathe better.

Kelly helped him get his jacket off, Violet coming his way.

‘’I am really glad you are here.’’ Violet smiled as they shared a hug.

‘’Thanks for the invitation.’’ Matt smiled back, although it could not be seen as he was wearing a facial mask as the doctors and nurses were still worried he might still get sick.

During the ceremony, Kelly kept a close eye on Matt to make sure he was alright. It was not just the pain from the burns and the surgery, but he really struggled with all the anti-rejection medication. One of the side effects was the tremors, which hit his hand and the problem was that his burned hand started to hurt more because of it.

After the ceremony, they got send to the aula for drinks and soon Matt was holding some water, waiting for Violet to join them with Kelly and Christie. Violet was getting her pictures taken.

‘’So glad you could make it.’’ Christie rubbed his shoulder.

‘’Good to be here.’’ Matt smiled back. He remembered the short visit of Christie and Violet, were both had been crying it. It had been the day before his situation worsening and the transplant and he was pretty sure back then he would never see them again.

Violet was nowhere to be seen yet and soon Christie ran that was as well, wanting to make sure everything was going aright.

‘’You okay?’’

‘’Feeling great, thanks for checking but I feel good, it is nice to be here.’’ Matt smiled. Kelly got him a straw for his drink so it was a bit easier to drink. In the canteen, he looked around at some of the other families. He still missed knowing that he had never had a family like he had wanted so bad.

Even now with his new lungs, he knew it would most likely never happen, as even now his life expectancy was not on the high side. He knew he had to be grateful if he could make it to 40. Never would he be at a high school graduation for his own kid. But for now he tried not to mind. Instead he was just really happy for Violet, and couldn’t wait to see how she would do at college.

Christie and Violet came walking back and they toasted with some soft drinks, Matt looking so proud at Violet. It adored Kelly and he was glad to see his best friend genuinely smile again for the first time in months.

‘’Want to go with us to the restaurant?’’ Violet invited them.

‘’Sorry Violet, I am really tired. When I am home I’ll take you out for dinner, okay?’’ Matt promised and she nodded. Soon Kelly was driving him back to the hospital. The four hours at the school had tired him out badly and all he wanted was to go back to bed.

‘’Sounds like a deal.’’ She smiled, kissing him on his cheek and they went their separate ways. It reminded Matt of when he had also missed a dinner with them after her recital because of the pain. Now it was just because he was tired, but he knew when he was recovered it would be a lot easier.

 

 

* * *

 

After Four weeks in the hospital, Matt was finally allowed to go home. Kelly was there first thing in the morning to bring him home, just as excited as Matt. He knew that the first few days at home were going to be hard, having to get used to being home. His nurse would still be there every night since he did not have the energy and power to take care of his burns on top of recovering from the surgery.

Smiling as they made it home, Matt remembered the night they came back from the cabin and he had called the ambulance as he had not been able to breathe.

As he had been so close to dying and knew at one point there was a large chance that he was going to die. Now he was home again. He was just happy for the new chance at life, and happy to go home.

Kelly offered they could have lunch first, but Matt wanted to go back to bed straight away. He was too tired to even sit up, the burns hurting as well. Even though he was still happy to be home, he could not help it that he felt he might fall asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow.

The words that the doctors had said kept going through his head. That most double lung transplant recipients still only lived past the 5 year mark. But he tried not to think about it, as he knew he could also do it well. But it was 5 more years. If this had not had happened, he knew he would most likely be dead already.

Waking up in the middle of the night, it looked like he had slept through the nurses visit, the pressure bandages on his arm and leg changed. Looking aside, his pills were on the nightstand and he quickly took them, getting up as he needed to pee.

Walking towards the bathroom, he sunk down on the toilet, his arms on the sink as holding his arm against the scars hurt.

He heard a knock on his door, Kelly probably had heard him.

‘’You okay?’’

‘’Gonna need a hand.’’ Matt said as he finished up, too tired to get back up again. Kelly walked into the bathroom, taking Matt’s good arm as he helped him up. Holding him as they walked back to his bed, Matt coughed.

‘’Kel-‘’

‘’What?’’ Kelly asked concerned.

‘’I am seeing a therapist next Wednesday, like you wanted. Like I should.’’ Matt admitted. ‘’The last few weeks have been a rollercoaster and I need to get my head straight.’’ Matt sighed as he sat down again.

‘’that’s good Matt. Hell, I think I could use one after these weeks.’’ Kelly admitted. He had been worried about his best friend, talked some sense into him only to almost lose him then. Lifting Matt’s legs onto the bed he tucked him back in.

‘’Still feels weird. Some person died, just like I almost did but yet I got a few more years again.’’ Matt groaned as the scars in his side started to hurt.

‘’I am really grateful Matt, really wasn’t ready to lose you.’’

‘’It’s still hard now but I am glad too. Might be a while but I’ll get better.’’ Matt mumbled.

‘’Sounds like the right state of mind.’’ Kelly smiled. Seeing his friend lay on the bed, half his body burned, rough scars from the transplant and his face swollen from the anti-rejection meds, he did feel bad about Matt being injured because of him. He knew that Matt had saved his life and he had paid the price.

Sitting with him for a while as Matt feel asleep, Kelly hoped that the future would finally look a bit brighter for Matt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a while as I have been working on a new story to replace this story when this one concludes. This story will be 24/25 chapters long, so it's nearing it's end. I hope you are still looking forward to the tail end of this story! Thank you so much for reading and hopefully till next chapter!


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